


Feels like home

by Smileydubs15



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Coworker crush, Coworkers to friends, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Little bit of prison reid, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, all the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 43,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27460150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smileydubs15/pseuds/Smileydubs15
Summary: When you had joined the FBI (mostly to spite your father) it had been your dream to work in a unit wth a female unit chief.  When a spot in the BAU opened up under the direction of Emily Prentiss, you knew that was the job for you.When you met the team you where instantly intrigued by the brilliant Spencer Reid and found yourself drawn to the soft spoken man, despite your efforts to keep him at arms length. Getting close to people had never been your strong suit, but Spencer and the rest of the team break down the walls you never realized you had put up.Will you finally be happy making a home somewhere, or will demons from your past that you never imagined to see again come and ruin everything you started to build.***season 12/13 ish, I'm taking some real artistic liberties with timeline, hopefully everything makes sense, also I'm not the best at thinking of creepy things that unsubs might be doing so apologiesthat there likely won't be a whole bunch of on the job content , also also this is the first time I'm writing something with the reader as a character****
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), Spencer Reid/You
Comments: 29
Kudos: 84





	1. I close my eyes to old endings, and open my heart to new beginnings

"And this will be your desk.” Section chief Prentiss said, gently tapping the empty desk at the end of the tour. You set down your go bag on the small bare desk, and quickly glanced around at all the other desks. It was still early and the rest of the team hadn’t arrived yet, something that you found strangle comforting. You liked the idea of getting yourself settled in and collecting your thoughts before being thrown to the wolves and being the shiny new toy in the office.

“Thank you, Ma’am.” You forced a smile, being the new girl was nothing new for you, all those years of moving around preparing you for this moment.

“Emily, Please. I insist.” Emily smiled at you and you could tell it was genuine. “I can’t wait for you to meet everyone. They’re all really excited to meet you.”

“I look forward to meeting them all too ma'am, sorry, Emily.” You corrected yourself before she could say anything. You honestly couldn't believe that you were standing here in front of Emily Prentiss. She was the stuff of legends, at least to you. You had been honoured to even get an interview, you were very well qualified for the position, but so were many other agents.

Emily smiled again, and glanced down at her phone. “I’ll let you get settled. Open files for you to go through on your desk, phone number for Garcia, our tech analyst, on speed dial number 1, any questions feel free to ask anyone, they’ll be happy to help you with anything you need and team round table at nine.” With that Emily took a call and left you alone at your new desk. 

You pulled the one personal item you had out of your bag, a coffee mug your mom had made you in her pottery class, and set it on the desk next to the box of pens, and stapler that had been provided. You looked at all the other desks around the bullpen, noticing the pictures and drawings that decorated the workstations. You made a mental note to remember to bring in some of the many drawings from your nieces and nephews that you were sure were still packed somewhere in your house, as well as a family picture so your new co workers didn't think you were a complete misfit. 

“Cool mug.” A voice said from behind, startling you and making you gasp. You turned and were face to face with a tall man with wild curls. “Sorry. You must be the new agent.” He pulled a tight smile.

“It's okay. I'm Y/N.” You offered him your hand. He looked down at your outstretched hand then back up at back up to your face.

“I don't…”

You pulled your hand back, and wagged a finger at him. “You must be Dr. Reid.” He looked puzzled, “Your reputation precedes you.” You explained, giving him a once over. You had heard done your research about your new team members. No pictures, just word of ear about them so you knew what to expect, and the man in front of you was not exactly what you had pictured based off what you had heard.

“Nothing bad, I hope.” 

You shook your head, “No. Nothing bad.” You had been picturing much older, but the man in front of you couldn't be much older then you.

He smiled at you, “Good. This is my desk,” He said, setting his bag down on the desk directly in front of ours . “If you have any questions I'm happy to answer them for you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Dr. Reid.”

The team started to trickle in slowly each stopping by your desk and welcoming you warmly. No matter the age, it always felt awkward with all the attention that came with being new. 

“Welcome to the family.” Garcia squealed, throwing her arms around you. They had gathered in the meeting room, and the entire team was there, waiting for Emily to join so they could be presented the next case. You tensed up at the hug a little at the embrace, you had never been entirely comfortable with physical affection, and never from strangers. 

“Garcia.” Emily said with a tone that had a familiar warmth that was impossible to miss. “Let's not scare her away just yet.”

“Sorry Emily. I just so excited. I can tell already, she's going to be a perfect addition to our family.” She smiled at you with so much happiness that anyone walking by would have guessed you were old friends reunited.

Emily cleared her throat, prompting Garcia to turn her attention to the entire team. “Alright crime fighters, I hope you brought your coats, because we’re going to Alaska. Super icky, there's been women washing up on the shore, with their tongues missing. Three as of right now.”

“All pretty, white women in their late twenties and early thirties.” Tara said, swiping through the files. “Maybe they're surrogates.”

“Ripped out tongue, could be that he’s trying to silence them.” Rossi added.

“It’s a long flight, we can discuss on the jet. Wheels up in twenty.” Emily gathered her file and left the table.

“Alaska. Never been there before.” Luke said. “Have you, Y/N?”

“Nope. Never.” You gathered your tablet and the notepad you had been taking notes in.

“Hope you packed some warm clothes in your go bag.” JJ said as she walked with you out of the meeting room.

“I’ve got boots and a coat in the trunk of my car. I tend to be an over preparer.” You explained, grabbing your go bag as you passed your desk.

“Because your dads in the army?” Garcia asked from behind you. 

“How’d you know that?” You whipped your head around.

“Garcia?” JJ shook her head.

“What? I wasn't just going to let some stranger we know nothing about just join our family.”

“You did a background check on me?” You weren't sure how you should feel about this. On the one hand it seemed like a huge violation, but on the other hand, had you been in her place, you probably would have done the same, you did after all find out stuff about all of the,.

“Garcia, we talked about this.” 

“I know, I just get curious.”

“What did this background check find?” You were curious yourself about what she managed to find. 

“Well, I mean if you really want to know.. Army brat like our dear Tara, but your dad is a four star general, very fancy. You're the middle child of five. Law school at Colombia. Top of your class in the academy, you're last assignment was an organized crime task force, very hush hush from the looks of it.” Garcia prattled off, listing facts about your life like she was reading a shopping list. “No social media that I could?”

You shook your head, “I'm impressed.”

“Oh sugar, you haven’t seen anything yet.” Garcia winked.

Twenty minutes later they were all gathered on the plane, going over the details of the case. There wasn't much information to go off of, and the police in well over their heads. They had never dealt with anything of this caliber before.

“Once we land Rossi, and JJ, you go down to where the first 2 bodies were found, Luke and I will go to the second site, Tara, you go to the coroner’s office. Spencer, you and Y/N can set up at the hotel with Garcia. In the mean time, I suggest we all get some rest, it’ll be a long flight.”

You weren't sure if you’d be able to rest, the nerves getting to you. You looked around the plane, taking in the members of your new team, honoured to be in the presence of such amazing agents. Anyone who wasn't trying to sleep was studying the case files, the silence almost soothing. As you glanced around the plane, Spencer caught your eye and smiled before going back to his file. You looked away quickly, feeling your cheeks warm at having been caught watching the team. You waited a moment, and glanced back over to him.

He had nice eyes. Warm, like a cup of coffee, with dark circles under them. You gave your head a small shake, trying to get those thoughts out of your head, before returning to your file and the task at hand.

*********

A fourth body had washed up on the teams third night there. The team was sitting around the hotel lobby, the makeshift war room for the time being. Hours were all bouncing ideas off each other but none of the leads had panned out and you were all getting frustrated with yourselves.

You were focused on the board, tapping your finger to your lip while you only half listened to what was being said around you.

“Hmm.” You said.. 

“What do you see, kiddo?” Rossi asked. You turned and they were all looking at you.

“It's just, it's weird. It reminds me of high school?”

“Explain.” Rossi sat. 

“When I was sixteen we moved to this awful small town just outside of Michigan. There was there was this couple, she was class president and he was the star of the baseball team. His performance didn’t quite meet her expectations and tales of his... short comings, quickly made it through town, and soon it was very common knowledge that the superstar couldn't get it up. He was so angry, he punched a locker and keyed her car.” You turned and looked back at the board. “I know we already established that they obviously knew each other, since everyone knows everyone, but they all were in high school in 2015. We thought it was random, but what if that's the connection.”

“Garcia, look up if there were any reports of bullying in the 2015.” Emily said. 

“You should also see if there are any reports of violent outbursts of male students directed at female students.” Reid added, “It’s unlikely that he would report the bullying, and would instead try to handle it himself.”

Garcia tapped away at the keyboard, “Okay. I have a few names.”

“Did any of them recently move back here? Five years seem like a long time to let it fester. If he were already here, he likely would have acted out against them by now.” Tara asked.

“One. Peter Evansen. He was a senior in 2015, quite a few outbursts his last few months, but nothing bad enough to to keep him out of college. He thrived in college, but looks like he came home two months ago because his dad is sick.”

“Sounds like a stressor to me.” 

“Let's get the sheriff and bring him in.”

The take down had been relatively straightforward, you had found him at his home, loading his truck up to go and get another woman, the one that he had been saving for last. He had confessed right away, trying to justify his actions by telling you that they had deserved it. As suspected, he was trying to right the wrongs he felt had been done to him by this women while they were in high school. He had been too aggressive while on a date with her, and she had told her friends. Word had gotten around the school and no one would date him.

You knew that the people in this town would sleep well knowing that he was locked up, and you’d hope you’d sleep well knowing you’d done a job well done. 

“Congrats kiddo. That was some good work.” Rossi set a glass down on the table in front of you. It was the next morning and you were back on the jet headed back to Quantico. The vibe on the jet was noticeable different on the way home you had noticed. Everyone seemed lighter and happier.

“Thanks. But isn't it a little early, isn't it?” You looked at the glass of amber liquid then to Rossi who sat next to you. . 

Rossi shrugged, “By the time we get home it’ll be evening.” He slide the glass towards you. “And we’re celebrating your first case. Now, important question. How are you at poker?”

“Moderately alright.” You sipped the dark liquid, you’d never really been a fan of dark alcohols, but this one was surprisingly smooth. 

Luke rubbed his hands together, “We got a game coming together?”

“Reid? You in.” Rossi looked back to Spencer, who looked up from his book.

“I could play.” He set it down and took the seat across from you, Luke sliding in next to him.. 

“Need to warn you, Y/N. The kids a card shark.”

“Oh?” You caught Spencer's eyes and he held your gaze. 

“Grew up in Vegas.”

“Hmm. Well Dr. Reid. I hope you're not a poor loser.” You sipped your drink again.

Luke passed out the pretzels while Rossi dealt them all in, explaining the house rules to you. 

You glanced up at Reid and could tell he was trying to get a read on you, trying to pick up any tells you had any time it came around to you, but you kept yourself cool and collected. you cocked you head and stared him down, playing his game and trying to read him right back. Rossi and Luke quickly folded, their lost pretzels piled between you and Spencer. 

“Alright kids let's see what you got.” 

“Not much, just a full house.” Spencer laid his cards out. He had this smug look on his face when he looked up at you. 

“Y/N?”

You sighed. “A flush.” Rossi and Luke groaned while Spencer reached across to slide his winnings towards him. “Oh, sorry. A straight flush.” You laid your cards out on the table, and looked up, “I think that mean I won.” You said with a shrug of your shoulders. 

“I’ll be damned.” Luke said, patting Spencer on the shoulder. “I don't think I’ve ever seen you lose.”

“I never lose.” He said softly, his eyebrows were knit together in confusion while he looked down at the cards. 

“Sorry. You’ll just have to get used to it I guess.” You plucked one of the pretzels off that table and popped it into you mouth. Still puzzled Spencer was looking through the card while you watched him, sipping your drink to hide your own smug look. 

“Do you want to play again?” Reid asked. “Double or nothing?”

“I’m actually kind of tired. I think I’m going to go try to get some sleep.” You said as you slide out from behind the table, taking your drink with you. Rossi held up his glass and you clinked it as you passed by.

As you settled into your seat you glanced back over to Spencer and found yourself wondering about how a man as soft spoken and bookish as him ended up in the FBI, he sure wasn't like the other male agents you had encountered in your time.

One last glance and you let yourself give into the effects of the alcohol and drifted to sleep.


	2. A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden

Hey mama.” You kissed your mom on the cheek before grabbing a seat across from her. 

“Birdie, Sweetheart.” your mom squeezed your face and smothered you in kisses. You internally groaned at her childhood nickname, but you were so happy to see your mom that you didn't complain. It had been awhile since you'd seen her, only talking on the phone really wasn't enough.

“Where's dad?” You grabbed a roll from the basket and buttered it, grabbing another one before you’d even swallowed the first one.

“You know your father, ran into an old friend.” She smiled. You did know Your father, he always ran into an old friend, and they always would head to the bar for a quick drink. You’d spent many lunches and dinners sitting alone until the food came while your father caught up with his friends, and your poor mother had sat through many more. 

“How are you doing mom.” She looked tired, they had likely had an early morning driving in from Annapolis.

“Good sweetheart. I’ve missed you. I’m glad you're so close again, Texas was so far. She reach across the table and fixed your hair “You know, I was thinking, you should come visit us over Christmas. Your sisters already said they’d come, and your bothers will of course be there.”

“I don’t know mom. Maybe.” You avoided her gaze, playing with the cutlery on the table. You’d absolutely would not be doing that. Family bonding wasn't your favourite, and you didn't feel like lying and pretending to have really been in Texas the whole time you said you were. you was immensely thankful that the server came and took your orders. A burger with fries for you, soup from your mother and a Salisbury steak for your father. you rolled your eyes when your mother ordered for your father, like she always did. 

“So, Birdie. Any special friends?” Your mother smoothed out the table cloth and smiled at you.

“No mom. No boyfriends.” The tips of your ears warmed slightly.

“Any cute boys at work?”

“It's against the rules to date coworker.”

“Oh, so there is a cute boy. What's his name”

“Mom.” You took a tone you hadn't used since you were a teenager. 

“Sweetheart, I can't help it. I get worried about you being alone. You never talk about friends or anything. I just want to make sure that you're ok, and adapting well to a new place.” 

“I have friends.” Your mother cocked her head and gave you a look that you were well acquainted with since you did it yourself when you didn't believe someone. “I do.” You knew she wasn't trying to be nosy and that she really did worry about you. 

You managed to change the subject and she happily talked until the food arrived, and once it was all set on the table your palms got sweaty. You hated that even at your age your father still made you nervous.

“Y/N.” He said, joining you and your mother at the table. 

“General.” You saluted him. He hated when you did that, and you knew it, taking small joy from that fact.

He ignored it, and dug into his food. “Your mother tells me that you’ve joined a new unit.”

“Yup.” You moved the food around on your plate, not really hungry anymore.

“Y/n , you know I hate that word.”

“Yes, sir.” You smiled internally, glad to have gotten under his skin again.

“I was talking with Doug, he said you never called him about that job.”

“I never called him because I don’t want a job at the Pentagon.”

“But really Y/n, a field agent in the FBI? We didn't pay for you to get the best education to be a glorified cop.”

“Jesus dad. We aren't having this conversation again.” This same conversation has been happening in some form for years. He hated the fact that you joined the FBI.

“Lower your voice Y/n.” He hissed. 

Your phone pinged, and you glanced down at the text from Garcia calling you in “I have to go to work.” You put your coat on and grabbed your bag. “Sorry mom.” You kissed her on the cheek. “ Dad. Always a pleasure.”

You didn't stop shaking until you pulled into campus. There was a reason you had moved far away from your parents the second you were able to, and it wasn't your mother. You took a few more deep breathes before grabbing your bag from the passenger seat. You made sure to grab your scarf and mitts. They were headed to South Dakota and there was already snow falling there. 

“Hold the door.” You called, hurrying your pace, seeing the elevator door closing. It reopened and you jumped it. 

“Oh, hey!” Spencer smiled at you.

“Hi” you looked straight ahead, “How are you Dr. Reid?” 

“I'm well. Thank you. You?”

“I'm fine.” You lied. Spencer didn't offer any other small talk, he knew better then to try. You felt a little bad about brushing him off all the time. Maybe your mom was right to worry, you just were never sure how to go about making friends with people. You tried to be pleasant but you knew that sometimes you came across as mean, and the team was trying to include you into their lives. Garcia had invited you to a team thanksgiving that was supposed to happen when you got back from this case, maybe you’d stop by for a quick hello.

It wasn't going to be easy, but you were going to try.

*********

“Not great.” You heard Spencer say while you kicked snow off the tires. “The sheriff said the highway will be closed until at least tomorrow afternoon.”

He was on the phone with Emily, filling her in on the current situation. Emily had sent the two of them a few towns over to interview someone how had called into the tip line. While they had been conducting the interview the snow had picked up considerably causing white out conditions

“Great.” Spencer said before hung up. He hiked through the snow back to the car. “Hey. So Emily said we should get a hotel and sit tight until the highways reopen.”

“Awesome.” She wondered if he could hear in your voice that you weren't pleased. 

You drove to the one motel in town only to be told they were completely full, the helpful front desk girl suggested the bed and breakfast on the edge of town. She even called ahead getting you guys the last room. 

“Wow. This day just keeps getting better and better.” You muttered when you finally walked in the room. 

“It's not that bad.”Spencer looked around the gaudy room. “I mean, it could have creepy dolls everywhere.” You almost smiled, but you couldn’t shake the toll this day was taking on you.

“You hungry?” Spencer asked, holding up a folder with a town guide. “There a restaurant two streets over.”

Your stomach growled and you sighed. “Yeah.” It just occurred to you that you aren't eaten anything all day, your picked at lunch a very distant memory. 

You slowly drove to the restaurant, which was attached to the bowling alley, and also, it would seem, the town country bar.

“So.” Reid awkwardly said once you were sat. “Are you coming to thanksgiving at Garcia's when we get back?” 

“I don't think so.” You never looked up from the menu. You were still on the fence.

He didn't say anything, instead, just watching you continue to study the menu, but you could tell there was something on his mind.

“Can I ask you something?” He asked finally.

“If I say no, are you going to ask me anyway?” You looked up and locked eyes with him.

“Probably.” He smiled.

“Go head.”

He hesitated and fiddled with the paper from his straw. “What did I do that made you dislike me?”

“I don't dislike you.”

“It kind of feels like you do. You only talk to me about work related things.”

“We’re work colleagues.”

“We could also be friends. I’d like us to be friends.”

You looked down at your hands and started to pick at your dark nail polish. “My mom’s therapist friend thinks that I lack the ability to develop emotional connections with my peers because we moved so much when I was a kid.”

“Do you believe that?” 

“I mean. The proof is clearly in the pudding.”

“I don't agree with her assessment.”

“No?”

He shook his head. “I think that maybe as a kid you realized it was easier to be lonely then it was to say goodbye.” 

You pursed your lips and squinted your eyes at him, “Interesting assertion Doctor.” You pulled your hair out of the ponytail and let it fall loose around your shoulders. You hated the way he seemed to see through you. 

“It clearly struck a chord. Did you know fiddle with your hair when your uncomfortable.”

“Do you always do that?” You tilted your head.

“Do what?”

“Profile people when you have a conversation with them.”

“It's a habit.”

“It's annoying, is what it is.” You said, but smiled.

He smiled back “I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” He glanced down at the menu, “You should come to thanksgiving. It’ll mean a lot to Garcia if you do.”

“I’ll think about it. No promises.” You reached up to touch your hair, but caught yourself and quickly dropped your hand back to your lap.

The rest of dinner went surprisingly well, and through you would never admit it, you sort of enjoyed yourself.

“Well Spencer that didn't suck.” You said while you walked back to the bed and breakfast from the car. “ What?” You didn't miss the look he had tried to hide.

“You've never called me Spencer before.” He smiled at you again. There was something about the way he smiled at you that made you want him to never stop.

“Whatever. Don't make it weird.” You bumped him with your shoulder, he slipped and almost fell but you reached out to steady him. “Or I won't do it again.”

He laughed and grabbed the door for you, and you made your way back up to your shared room. 

“So. I’ll take the floor.” He grabbed a pillow off the bed and looked around for another blanket.

You sighed, “You don't have to do that. We’re adults, you can sleep in the bed. But don't get any ideas, remember I do have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it.” You touched your hair again, thankful his back was to you when you did. You could only imagine what he would think if he’d seen that.

Spencer held his hands up, “I promise I’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

“Good. I'm beat, so I think I'm just going to hit the hay.” You internally winced, you had never used that expression before and knew you sounded like a huge dork. 

“Good idea, then in the morning we can call in with the team and try to help from here until the highways reopen.”

“Right.” You got into the bed still completely dressed, unable to change since their bags were still with the team. 

Spencer took off his suit jack and tie, and turned off the lights before getting in the bed next to you. 

“Goodnight.” He said.

“Good night.” 

He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and didn't wake up until the sun filtered in through the windows. You, on the other hand had tossed and turned most of the night, but you must have fallen asleep at one point because you woke up curled up against Spencer. You heard him sigh softly as he woke up and he instantly tensed up when he realized you were pressed against him, and that his arm was wrapped tight around you..

You shifted slightly, “I thought I told you to keep your hands to yourself.” You pushed his arm off you, and reached to grab your cellphone.

“Sorry. The bed’s small. Any news on the highways?” His voice was groggy while he rubbed his eyes

“Still closed.” You sighed again and set the phone down. You got out of the bed, wishing you had a toothbrush and a hair brush. 

“Hey. Is it alright if I ask you something else?” He asked, watching you from the bed while you brushed your fingers through your hair.

“We were just spooning, so I guess I could allow one more personal question.”

“Why were you so upset yesterday? You seemed pretty off before we even got here.” 

You didn't say anything at first, unsure if you wanted to get into it.

“I had lunch with my parents yesterday and my dad’s just…. you know?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I always thought it strange that a man who seemed to dislike being around children so much had five. I don't think he ever played with us when we were little, and we always had to be the best. It wasn't just enough that I was pretty good at tennis, I had to be the best. Or when he taught me how to play chess. All he drilled into me was strategy, it wasn't meant to be fun.”

“You play chess?”

“Everything I just told you, that's what you pick up on?”

“No, I heard you. it's just that, I play chess.”

“I know you do.” You went back to trying to control your hair.

“Why haven't you ever offered to play?”

“Because I’d wipe the floor with you.” 

“Not possible.”

“Hmm. I guess we’ll just have to play sometime. Come on, let's check out the breakfast spread.”

Spencer followed you down the steep stairs and into the small dining room that was painted the same aggressive shade of pink as Garcia's suitcase. All the tables in the small room were taken except for one.

“Did you want some coffee with that sugar?” You asked him, watching him make himself a cup of coffee. He ignored the comment and read the menu card. It made for a quick read, only three different choices. 

“I think I'm going to get the oatmeal.” He looked up and despite yourself, you smiled.

“I think I'm going to have pancakes. So, when do I get to ask intrusive personal questions.”

“Go ahead.” He shrugged.

“Siblings?”

“Only child.”

“Hmm. Explains some things.” You scrunched her nose, while you sipped your own coffee. “Parents?”

“Divorced when I was young.”

“Dad?” 

“He left long ago. I saw him once, a few years ago.”

“Mom?” He hesitated and didn't say anything at first. “Alright. Mom’s a touchy subject.” You noted.

“She’s schizophrenic and she's has Alzheimer's, and sometimes I feel like a shitty son because I can't fix it.” 

“Spencer.” You said, your tone softening, “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have pried.”

“It’s alright. it's not a secret, everyone else knows.”

“Doesn't mean I don't feel like an asshole.”

“I don think you're an asshole.” He said earnestly, but you didn't believe him.

“You don't have to be so nice all the time, Spencer. I have been kind of asshole adjacent.” You were a little mad at yourself for never giving Spencer a chance before this, you found you were enjoying his company.

Your phones both buzzed at the same time, a message from Garcia that the highways were reopening. 

"I'll go square up our room while you warm the car?" You offered. 

"Don't you want breakfast?" He asked. 

"There's a drive through donut shop I saw when we drove in. We could stop there and I'll you a donut. We can call it a peace offering."

He considered it a moment. "Only if they have chocolate with spinkles."

"They'd be crazy not to."

"Deal. Give me the keys." You handed him the keys and watched him leave. You honestly were a little disappointed that your little adventure with Spencer was over, but you were glad that at least now you wouldn't be lying to your mother when you said you had a friend.


	3. Things are never quite as scary when you have a friend.

“Here.” You tossed a bag to Spencer as you got back into the car. “I got us lunch.”

“From the gas station?” What could you possibly have gotten us for lunch from a gas station?” He looked in the bag then back at you with a look on his face that you recognized as his look of disappointment. “This is a bag of candy.” He said flatly.

“Yeah. Lunch.” You traded him the bag for one of the coffees you had also bought, black for you, sugar for him. He gave you another look. “What?” You reached into the bag and pulled out sour gummies, ripping open the bag with your teeth.

He looked at you, not saying anything and just shook his head. There was something about the way he looked at you, like you were a puzzle he couldn't quite figure out, and it delighted you. 

You started to drive to where you two were going to be posted, tossing a candy into you mouth. “Ugh.” You gagged and stuck your tongue out.

“What!” Spencer gasped, holding on the the door handle, his knuckles white. 

“Green apple. I hate green apple.” You grabbed your coffee and gargled it. 

“Jesus Y/N, do you need to do that while you drive?” He hated your driving, he made that clear every time you got in the car together.

You grabbed another green apple one, looked him in the eyes and popped it into your mouth, again gagging, making Spencer roll him eyes.

“At least keep your eyes on the road.”

You turned your eyes back to the road, “Remember when you begged me to be your friend? Bet you regret that now.” You teased him.

“I don't know if begged is the right word.”

“I don't know Spence. I seem to remember you saying, please pretty please Y/N, please be my friend because you are so much cooler then me, and an amazing driver.”

“That's not quite how I remember it.”

“Well, agree to disagree.” You saw him smile out of the corner of your eye, and look in the bag of candy again, picking something out.

The last few months you had actively been trying to be better at making friends. You had showed up to thanksgiving, late albeit, but you got there in time for dessert. You thought Garcia was going to burst, she was so excited when you had knocked on the door.

You’d even participated in the team secret Santa, something you had never done before. You swelled with pride at Rossi’s reaction to the gift you had gotten him, a gift basket of Italian delicacies from this little market you had found while exploring one weekend you had off.  
Your effort to fit in was paying off, to the point were you were getting invited to things outside of work. Brunch with the girls. Jogging with Luke. A scary movie double feature with Spencer and Garcia. The sudden shift in your social life was also having a positive impact on your home life too. You had unpacked everything and got gotten rid of the boxes, you’d painted the entire place, you were even considering getting a cat.

“Are you going to come to Luke’s surprise party?” Reid asked, happily eating the gummy bears he had previously scoffed, washing it all down with the last of his coffee.

You parked and took your sunglasses off. “Of course. I'm not going to pass up a chance to snoop around your place.” You unbuckled you seatbelt and looked over to him. “Ready?”

“Let's go.”

The current case was a tough one. Sex workers were being found beaten, assaulted and dismembered. The team had split up and were canvassing areas with large high risk populations. 

“200 hundred for an hour, 50 more and your girlfriend can watch.” A woman offered Spencer, gently stroking his tie after you finished telling her the profile.

“No thank you. She's not, we’re not.” He cleared his throat, a light pink settling on his cheeks. 

You bit your lip to hide your smile, “If you remember anything, please give me a call.” You handed her your card. You made rounds talking to everyone you could gather, giving them the profile. You handed out your card to everyone that was willing to take it, and you headed back to the car.

“Every single woman there propositioned you.” You looked at him and laughed. His cheeks were bright red. “Aw look at you. You're all flustered.”

“Shut up.”

You were going to keep teasing him but turned back after hearing your name being called.

“Excuse me, agents.” A young woman came up to you. She couldn't have been much older then your youngest sister. 

“Hi.” You smiled at her. 

“I was thinking about what you said, about the man you might be looking for. This man a couple days ago was strange. He seemed off so I didn't go with him, but he wanted me to go with him to this warehouse.”

“Do you know where the warehouse is?” Spencer asked, pulling out his phone.

“Two up, three over.” 

“Garcia?” Spencer spoke to Garcia, getting her to fill in the team.

“Thank you.” You took the girls hand and squeezed some money into it. “You stay safe, alright? Get something warm to eat.”

“Yes ma'am.”

You got in the car and started it up. “Do we have an address?”

Spencer nodded. “Garcia found one abandoned warehouse. Everyone else is on the way, since we're closest, Emily wants us to check it out.”

*******

Guns drawn you entered the warehouse. 

“You go that way, I’ll go this way, meet in the middle.” You whispered.

“Keep your walkie on. You see anything you call me.”

You split up, carefully cleared your side space by space, thinking you had heard something you reached to call Spencer but you were pushed forward. 

He was on top of you, grabbing you by your hair and slamming your head into the ground. The overwhelming pain instantly hit you and everything went black. 

You were sure how long you were out, the pain in your head was excruciating. Your arms were tied together and you were gagged.

“You're awake.” A voice said. A man approached you and looked at you in a way that a dog would look at a juicy steak. “God. You are gorgeous.” He touched your cheek and you tried to move away from him. “I'm going to take this out of your mouth, if you scream, I’ll kill you.” He pulled the dirty rag out of your mouth, stroking your lips. 

“Don't touch me.” You spat in his face.

He smiled. “You're a scrappy little thing, aren't you.” 

“Why don't you untie me and I’ll show you how scrappy I can be.” You strained against the ties making him laugh again. 

He grabbed your face and pulled you close, licking your cheek. “I wish I could have had more time with you.” He pulled a knife out a rubbed the smooth part along your throat. “I love this moment. The fear in your eyes knowing that no ones coming for you.”

“That not true.” It was Spencer. He had found you, his gun trained on the unsub. 

The man grabbed you, holding you tight to his chest between him and Spencer, his knife pressed to her throat. “Put your gun down, or I swear, I’ll slit her throat right here.”

“Then what?” Spencer was unfaltering, his eyes never leaving the unsub. “If you hurt her, I’ll shoot you. Just let her go, let her come to me. The FBI has the place surrounded, don't you hear them.”

“Right, the FBI has the place surrounded and they send in you.” He laughed. “Put down your gun.”

Spencer kept talking, but you had a plan. You raise your arms a little and pressed your back against the unsubs chest. In one swift move to you pushed his hand up, biting down on the fleshy part of his hand. He dropped both the knife and you, leaving you to fall forward. As you hit the ground there was a gunshot. The unsub laid motionless on the ground near you.

“Y/n. You alright?” Spencer asked. He checked the unsubs purse before coming over to you.“We need a medic now.” He said, dropping next to you. With his pocket knife he cut the ties on your wrists, then offered you his hand to pull you up. 

Once standing the world spun and your knees buckled, falling into Spencer.

“Hey. Hey hey Y/n, you okay?” He asked, holding you against him. Your head was rested against his chest and you clung to him. You wished the world would stop spinning. 

“I just need a second.” You closed your eyes and let him hold you. Did he always smell so good, you wondered. 

“What hurts.” He asked softly, gently rubbing your back.

“My head.” 

“Look at me.” He held your face and looked into your eyes. “Any nausea? Ringing in your ears? Do you remember where we are?”

“Chicago.” You were glad he was still holding you, certain your legs wouldn't be able to hold you up.

“Good.” He said, his voice so soft. “I think we should go to the hospital. I want to make sure you're really okay.”

“Fine.” You let Spencer lead you to an ambulance and let him hold your hand, or maybe you took his hand, your headache was so bad you couldn't remember who had taken whose hand, but you found that you were comforted by him.

After many tests and the doctors assuring Spencer you were alright, the two of you met the team at the jet.

“Do you need anything?” He laid blanket over you.

“No.” You were so cozy and so ready to nap. “What are you doing?” He was sitting on the ground with his back to you.

“I’m slightly concerned you’ll roll off the couch. You move around a lot in your sleep.”

“No I don't.”

“You do.” He turned to face you, “So I’m going to sit here and read, and keep you from falling off the couch.”

“You're a good friend.” You patted his shoulder and let your hand rest there. 

“You won't say that when you get woken up ever two hours.” 

You cleared your throat, your hand was still rested on his shoulder. “Um, Spence. I didn't thank you earlier, for not letting him hurt me.”

“Thank me by closing your eyes and sleeping.” He reached up and squeezed your hand. 

You closed your eyes and drifted to sleep, thinking about Spencer's eyes and way he held your hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K so here's the thing, sometimes I feel like I dont know how to end a chapter? So sorry if it seems like it's just done.


	4. Because even a sliver of distance between us is infuriating

Garcia knocked on Spencer's door before opening it and letting you both in.

“Hi.”Garcia called. You followed Garcia into Spencer’s place, your hands were shoved in your pockets. It was strange being here without him. 

“Penelope. Y/n. So nice to see you both.” Cassie, Diana’s nurse smiled, coming to greet you at the door. 

“How’s she doing.” You asked, glancing over to Diana. 

“It's a good day.” Cassie looked over to where you were looking, Diana was sitting on the couch looking through a photo album, completely entranced in her own world, oblivious to what was happening around her. “JJ came by with the boys yesterday, she always loves that. We were just about to go for our walk, you’re welcome to join us, if you wanted.”

“We stopped by to get something for Spencer to wear to his hearing tomorrow.”Garcia replied. 

“You should go with her. I can grab some clothes.” You could tell Garcia wanted nothing more then to be with Spencer's mom to try to assure her that everything was alright. 

“You sure?”

You nodded. As much as you didn't love the idea of rummaging through Spencer's closet when he wasn't there to tease, Emily had asked you to pick something nice for him to wear.

Once you were alone in the apartment you went into his bedroom. You found yourself overwhelmed with emotion as you sat on the end of his bed. You missed him so much that it physically hurt, and a few tears fell down your cheeks onto the bed.

The last time you had seen him it had been a few weeks earlier. 

You had been wrapping up some paperwork, dreading the vacation time you were taking starting at the end of the day. Right after work you were going to pick up your mother who had been in town for a few days seeing some friends, then the two of you were headed to Paris for two weeks. There was some event that you hadn't really be interested in going to anyway for your father, but your mother had insisted, reminding you of how much you loved Paris, and you hadn't been to Paris in years. 

“Whose that with Garcia?” Tara asked, drawing your gaze up, scanning the room until your eyes found the brightest, most colourful spot.

“That's my mom.” You stood and practically ran across the bullpen. “Mom, how’d you get in?”

“Penelope brought me up.” Your mom smiled at Garcia, gently patting Garcia’s arm. “I'm her guest.” Your mom glanced around the room, “Birdie, this is where you work?”

“Birdie?” Spencer asked. The rest of the team had gathered around.

“Her nickname. My little Birdie.” Your mom reached across and squeezed your cheeks. you knew you would never live that down. 

“We should probably just get out of here, mom.” You wanted to get her away from the team before she could say anything else that they'd use to tease you.

“I want to meet your friends. I want to guess whose who. JJ, Tara, Luke and you must be Spencer. She talks about all of you, all the time.” She pointed to each of them in turn. You wanted to melt into the floor.

“Alright mom.”

“You know, ma’am that's so interesting because Birdie doesn't talk much about anything.” Luke squeezed your shoulder. You glared at him, if looks could kill.

“Come on mom, let me introduce you to Emily and Dave.” You had grabbed moms arm and pulled her away.

“Nice to meet you Ma’am. See you later Birdie.” JJ teased. 

You had quickly managed to wrap up the last few things you needed to finish while Garcia made your mom a cup of tea, far away from the others.

“Hey.” Spencer came over to your desk, he was also taking some time off. He never told the team why, but you had suspected it was to go see his mother, he never said, but you could tell something was wrong. He had seemed distracted lately.

“I swear, if you call me Birdie, no more rides to work.”

“In that case I probably should call you start calling you that.” He smiled, sitting on the edge of your desk.

“We aren't having this conversation again. I'm a great driver.”

“I mean, you sure … drive.” His smile widen for only a moment. He had something on his mind. You could always tell.

“You okay?” You asked softly so the others wouldn't hear. “Is it your mom?”

He nodded, glancing around quickly to see if the others could hear. 

“I thought that it seemed like she was making progress.” He had been so excited when she had gotten into the study, and it really seemed like she was doing better.

“I think she was getting the placebo.” Your heart broke for him, you glanced over to your own mom and couldn't imagine what he was going through. 

“I’m sorry.” You patted his knee. “Are you taking her back to Nevada? Or looking for somewhere else”

“She's been staying with me.”

“What? At your place? How?”

“Yeah. I hired some nurses to care for her when I can't be around.”

“Spence. You live in a one bedroom apartment.”

“She’s my mom, Y/n.”

“I know and you love her, but don't you think it’d be better for both of you if she was somewhere where all her needs could be met?”

“Her needs are being met.”

“Spencer, I just mean that-”

“I know what you mean and honestly, it's none of your business.”

“Spencer.” You were shocked at the tone in his voice. Spencer had never spoken to you like that before.

“Why don't you worry your own daddy issues instead of butting in on my life.” He said, his words like a slap across the face. “Why do you even care so much?”

“Because we’re friends.” You said softly as your mom came over. 

“Sweetheart, I was thinking. Our flight isn't until later, maybe we get some dinner before.”

“Sure mom.” You never took your gaze off Spencer, who was looking at the ground, his cheeks flushed from your argument.

“Spencer, would you like to join us?” Your mom asked him blissfully unaware of the tension between you.

“Dr. Reid's busy tonight, mom. You ready?” You grabbed your bag. He was closed off and you couldn't read him like you normally could.

And that was the last conversation you had had with him. you had been in Paris when Emily called and you had instantly come home but hadn't been allowed to see him.

“Hey. You okay?” Garcia asked, knocking on the bedroom door.

“Yeah. Just need another minute.” You quickly wiped away some more tears. 

“Okay, I’ll be out here, no rush.” She smiled at you before shutting the door behind her. She understood what you were feeling, you often found her crying in her office. 

You wiped you eyes before going into his closet, running your fingers gently across his clothes. You settled on his dark suit, a white shirt and his dark red tie. 

“Shoes.” You said softly to yourself, wondering if he was the type of person who kept his shoes in his bedroom or shoved in a front closet. It turned out he kept them in boxes under his bed. You were about to leave, but remembered socks. You opened the top drawer and laughed. He was the neatest person you knew and yet his sock drawer had socks shoved in it, nothing paired. You took your time and picked out 2, hoping that the pairing would make him smile. You started to shut the drawer but stopped, your eyes falling on an out of character for Spencer Reid orange t-shirt. You pulled it out and held it up to get a good look.

It was a well worn Caltech t-shirt. You thumbed the soft fabric, trying to picture Spencer wearing a something so casual. It smelled like Spencer, and it made you want to cry again. You added it to your purse along with his tie and socks and promised yourself that one day you’d give it back to him, but as long as you couldn't see him you’d be able to have a piece of him.

***************

Twenty three days, six hours and fourteen minutes. That's how long Spencer had been in prison. This was the third time you had come to see him. The first time you had cried when you saw him, apologizing about your fight. You were so mad at yourself that that the last conversation you had had with him. 

The second time he had looked like he hadn't slept in days, he had broken down and you would have done anything to hold him. 

A buzz sounded, and you watched as he followed the line of prisoners into the visiting area.

He smiled when he saw you waiting for him, and you smiled back so happy to see him but God, it killed you to see him in that orange jumpsuit. 

“Oh my God Spencer. What happened to your face.” The happiness you felt when you had seen him had dropping when you got a good look at him. His face was bruised. “Spence.” You reached out to touch him.

“No touching.” A guard yelled and you quickly dropped your arm to your side.

He sat across from you, studying your face while you took note of his injuries to report back to Emily.

“This visiting room’s nicer then the other one.” He forced a smile, she could tell he was trying to get her to not worry. 

“I guess. At least there's no glass between us here.”’ You bit your lip, “What happened Spence.” You tried to control your voice, but the waver was there.

“Hazing the new guy.” He looked down at his hands.

“I just, I can't understand why you aren't in protective custody. Maybe I could talk to the warden?” You whispered, leaning forward so no one would hear you. 

“Please don't. The less attention I draw to myself the better. Tell me what everyone's up to, any interesting cases?” 

You talked for a little while about cases and you talked about his mom. You'd gone to visit her a few times and told him about the visits.

“Five minutes inmates.” A guard announced. 

“Already?” You checked your watch. “It's not enough time.”

“Hey, can you promise me something?” He asked, dropping his eyes. 

“Anything.”

He hesitated, choosing his words, “Please don't come back to see me.” 

“What?” You thought he was joking for a minute, but the look on his face told you he was serious.

“Please.” He pleaded. 

“I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?”

“No. Seeing you, and the team has been the only thing keeping me going, but…”

“But?”

His eyes were tears again, “I can’t stand the way they talk about you.” 

“Who?”

“The others.” He looked around the room. 

“Spencer, I promise it doesn't bother me.” You smiled, trying to reassure him that it was alright.

“Please Y/n. They talk about… What they’d… Do… to you, and I want to kill them.” He angrily wiped some tears off his face.

“Spence.” It hurt you to see him like that. 

“Please. It's hard enough being away from everyone I love, I just, can't bear it.”

“Ok. I promise.” You brought your arms up onto the table and looked over your shoulder to see where the guard was. He was adequately distracted, so you quickly brushed your fingers against Spencer hand. “Just stay safe.”

“I will.”

You weren't sure what else to say. His eyes searched your face, studying you the same way you were studying him, memorizing every line and freckle. The same unsaid worry that this could be the last time you’d ever see each other hung in the air.


	5. There are no secrets that time does not reveal

Y/n, I need to speak to you in my office.” Emily said as she walked past you desk. You glanced over at Spencer’s desk like you did every time something remotely interesting happened, and it hurt like it always did to see it empty. You joined Emily in her office and were surprised to see Dave there too.

“Morning.” You said, unsure what was happening. Both of them were so hard to read, but the air in the room was tense, something seemed wrong.

“Could you close the door.”

“Am I in trouble?” You half joked, sitting in the chair across the desk from Emily.

“No. It’s just that, somethings happened.”

You studied Emily, her distress evident on her face, and her nails were bitten down. “You’re scaring me a little.” Your heart started to pound hard in your chest. There were few things that would illicit this type of reaction from them, but only one that you were thinking about.

Emily sighed, “Spencer was taken to the hospital last night. He was stabbed and he lost a lot of blood.”

You didn't know what to say, your mouth went dry you felt like you were on the verge of a heart attack. “Is, is he going to be alright?” You managed to get out. 

“He’s stable.”

“Okay. Good. Good.” You wrung your hands together, a million things going through your head at once. “Why are you telling just me.” 

“We’re going to tell the team when they all get here, but we need to ask you something.” Dave said, you noticed the slight shake in his hands as he set his untouched coffee on Emily’s desk. Spencer being locked up had taken a noticeable toll on everyone. 

Emily sighed, carefully considering her words “Would it be safe to assume that in your time undercover you’ve made some, friends, let’s say.”

“Friends, ma’am?” You weren't sure where Emily was going with this, but you had a suspicion.

“The warden said he won’t promise us Spencer will be put into protective custody when he's out of the hospital. I’m worried that if he stays in general population, he doesn't make it to his trial.” Her voice caught. Her love for Spencer was obvious, Emily was fiercely protective of the people she loved, that much was clear. 

“We’re hoping that maybe you have a friend that could help us convince the Warden he’s mistaken and that Spencer should be in protective custody.” Dave added.

“Let's say I have a friend, and that I've already had him looking, you know, just in case. And, let's say he found something, what would our next steps be?” Emily and Dave both seemed to heave a sigh of relief at your words.

“I’ll take it and convince him to change his mind.” Emily said.

“No, it should be me.” Rossi put his hand on Emily’s shoulder. "If there are any consequences, I'll be alright."

“With all due respect, I’d like to.” You said, catching them both off guard. 

“Y/n. If there's blow back, I don’t know if I can protect you.” 

“The team needs both of you, and Spencer. If there's any fall out, it should be me.” 

“Y/n, you're a vital part-”

“No. I've decided.” You interrupted Dave before he could finish. You were the obvious choice. The team needed Emily’s leadership and Dave’s experience. You’d land on your feet if it came down to it. “Emily, will you allow me to take the day off campus? And I’ll need Luke.”

“Of course. What ever you need.”

The first step you and Luke made was the hospital, you wanted to see for yourself that Spencer was alright.

“Please don't get caught. We could both get in a lot of trouble.” Lisa, Luke girlfriend said to you. The two of you were in the staff changing room of the hospital, swapping clothes. “Five minutes tops in there, any longer and the guard might check in.” She said, pulling your sweater over her head. Lisa was why you needed Luke. She was nice, but it had taken a little convincing to get her to help you get into see him. 

“Five minutes will be enough.” You just hoped that the guard at Spencer’s door wouldn't recognize you.

Something you had learned as a child was that people didn't often question you if you were confident and acted like you belonged, so with a deep breath you walked up the Spencer's room, chart in hand and cleared your throat.

“I need to check his vitals.” 

The guard grunted, clearly indifferent, not even glancing at Lisa’s ID badge that was clearly not you, and let you pass.

Spencer was asleep when you walked in, and looked so peaceful that you didn't want to wake him, you knew hadn't slept this well in weeks. 

His face was bruised again, fresh purple on top of the older yellow ones, and he had some stitches on his cheek bone. 

“Am I dreaming?” He asked, his eyes opening slowly, he smiled and reached for you, but he was handcuffed to the bed, the chains clanking softly at his movement. The realization that it hadn't all been a bad dream hit and he laid his head back, a single tear running down his cheek.

“Hey Spence.” You whispered, slipping your hand into his, he held on to it tight. With your free hand you wiped the tear, then brushed his hair back, he closed his eyes at your touch. It broke your heart to know that it had been weeks since he had been touched in such a gently way. “You gave us quite a scare.”

“I'm sorry.” His voice broke, and his lower lip trembled. 

“No, don't cry. It’s not your fault” You searched his face, watching for any sign of pain. “Are you comfortable?”

“Enough. I'm better now that you're here.” He smiled, this thumb softly stroking your hand. He was lying, his face wincing when he shifted slightly. 

“ I can't stay long, only a few minutes. I'm not even supposed to be here, I just, I needed to see you.” You both knew what could happen to you if you were caught in here. There was a reason prisoners families and friends weren’t usually told when they were brought to the hospital. There was always the possibility that they could try to escape. You would definitely lose your job if you were caught in here, prison was a possibility, but you didn't care. Sneaking into the hospital to see him wasn't going to be the most illegal thing you would be doing that day.

“I’m grateful for even one minute with you.” He cleared his throat, “Thank you for the letters. I reread them all the time.”

“You reread them? I don’t ever say anything interesting.” Since he didn't want you coming to see him you had taken it upon yourself to write him a daily letter, just telling him about your day and ever mundane thing you did. 

He smiled, “ I don’t know, I just, it's like I can hear your voice when I read them.”

“You should write me back sometime. It's kind of shitty that my pen pal never writes me back.”

“What would I write you about? What they served for lunch? Which guys wanted to beat the shit out of me?”

“Quotes from your favourite books, poems you like, places you're going to go when you get out of here, I don't know Spence, I'm sure you could use that big genius brain to figure out something to write me.” You teased him lightly.

He sighed, dropping his eyes, “What if it's years before I get out?”

“I'm not going to let that happen.”

“But what if it does?” 

“Hey. Look at me.” He looked into your eyes, “We’re never going to stop fighting for you, you know that, right?”

“Y/n.” Spencer said softly, “I…-” He stopped, interrupted by your watch beeping. Your time was up, and this stolen moment was over.

“Times up.”

Spencer smiled sadly at you, “I wish you could stay. I've missed you so much.”

You leaned over and softly kissed his cheek. “I miss you too. You stay safe, okay? We’re doing everything we can to get you out, but we need you to stay alive Spence.”

“I know you are. I promise I'll try."

There was so much more you wanted to say to him, but you couldn't. You gave his hand one more squeeze before leaving his room. Luke waited until you were out of the sight line of the guard before falling into step with you.

“How's the kid.”

“We’ve got to get him out of there Luke.” Your voice cracked as you thought about his bruised face. “He’s not going to last much longer in there.”

“We need to convince the warden to put him in protective custody, that’s what we need.” 

“Working on that.” You checked the time. “I'm going to change, then I need a ride.”

“To the prison? Emily and Fiona already tried the warden, he’s not budging.”

“I need to make a quick stop first. Then yes, the prison.”

“Y/n, I don't know what you have planned but Emily-”

“Emily knows. Sort of. And the less you know the better.” The last thing you needed was anyone else involved, and right now Luke had plausible deniability. “No man left behind, right?”

“No man left behind.” He nodded. You got Luke, you'd known men like him your whole life. He reminded you of your oldest brother. Loyal to a fault. 

After you and Lisa swapped back clothes, you and Luke got back in the car and he let you direct him to a shadier part of town.

“You're sure this is were you want me to leave you?” He looked around the empty street, that same protective older brother instinct coming out. 

“I’ll be fine. Just be back in ten.” You took your gun out of your holster and handed it to Luke.

“I don't likethis. Maybe I should just wait.”

“Luke, you’ve got to trust me, I’ll be fine. I’m just meeting a friend, and cops make him nervous." 

Luke looked outside again and you could see the wheels turning while tried to think of an argument, a reason he could use to convince you to let him stay. “Fine. Ten minutes exactly and I’ll be here.”

You got out of the car and looked back at him, “Go. I'll be fine. There's a gas station around the corner that has some decent coffee.”

You watched him drive off and once he had turned the corner you went into the alleyway.

“Miss Scarlett, I thought you had gotten cold feet.”

You smiled, “Professor Plum. Lovely to see you again. Miss Peacock said you have something for me.” You quickly cut to the chase, you didn't trust Luke to wait the full ten minutes. 

He pulled an envelope out from his inside pocket and handed it to you. “It's good stuff, if I do say myself.” He said while you looked at the contents.

Satisfied, you slid the papers back in, “Amazing work as always Plum.” He beamed while you tucked it safely into your inside pocket. “Thank you.” You turned to walk way, but he cleared his throat. “Is there something else?”

“I’ve heard rumours.”

“Rumours?”

“About the Heiress.”

This stopped you in your tracks. You hadn't heard that name in awhile. “That operations closed as far as I'm aware, but you should report anything you heard to Colonel Mustard, I'm in a different unit now, but he’s still in command over there. Peacock should be able to help you out with that.”

“I know, I just thought you’d want to know.”

“Thanks. And thank you again for this.” You patted your coat. Luke had pulled up and was watching you.

“Friend of yours?” Plum asked, nodding his head towards the car.

“He’s cool. You stay safe.” You said over your shoulder as you walked to the car. When you looked back, he was gone. 

**

You had been shown to the Warden’s office and left waiting for longer then was polite, but it gave you a chance to look around the office and try to get a read of the man you were waiting to speak to. Many photos of who you could only imagine were his children. 

“Miss Y/L/N, I’m so sorry to keep you waiting.” He finally came into the office, “Has anyone offered you a coffee?” He asked, taking a seat at his desk.

“No, but this won't be a long meeting.”

“I was thinking the same thing. As I said to Miss Prentiss-”

“Agent.”

“Sorry?”

“Agent Prentiss.”

“Right. As I said to Agent Prentiss, there's nothing I can do for Mr. Reid. The lodging assignments are out of my hands.”

“He almost died yesterday.”

The Warden shrugged, “There are dangerous men here, Miss Y/L/N, you can't expect me to put every one who has a run in into protective custody.”

You drew in a calming breath. “A run in? He didn't have a run in. He was grabbed from his bed in the middle of the night, dragged down a hall, and stabbed.” You said through gritted teeth. “If any one finds out that he’s an FBI agent, they don't leave the job undone.”

“Perhaps Mr Reid should have considered that before murdering a woman in cold blood, sorry, allegedly murdered a woman in cold blood.” He snapped at you then glanced at his watch. “I think it's time you left.”

“Agreed.” You stood, placing the envelope on his desk.

“What's this then?” 

You watched him pick it up and open the envelope, his face flushing when he saw the contents. “I won't ask politely again. When Dr Reid is out of the hospital he will be put into protective custody.”

“I could report this, you know. This is against the law.”

“Thought you might feel that way. Sort of ironic isn't it? Kind of pot calling the kettle black. I noticed you didn't look at all the papers. If you look past the pictures of you cheating on your wife with a much younger woman, you’ll see that there are also some very interesting financial records.” His eyebrows furrowed and he thumbed through the papers. His eyes widened at the realization that you got him. You looked at the photos of his family again. “That's a private school your children go to, right? That must cost a pretty penny. And that country club your wife plays tennis at, very exclusive. And is that your Beamer out front?” He nodded, so you continued, “ So yes, extortion is a crime, but so is embezzlement, and I will gladly take you down with me should you report me.”

His face was white as he struggled to find the words. “What reasoning would I give to move him.”

“I don't care what you have to say or do. Just get it done. If anything happens to him I will hold you personally responsible." You smiled, “Have a nice day warden." The sarcasm dripping from your voice. 

Luke was waiting in the car, exactly where you’d left him.

“So?” he adjusted his seat and started the car, looking over at you. 

“I think I convinced him.” You buckled your seatbelt.

“What did you say?”

You gave Luke a look, your eyebrow raised, “Better you don't know.” you repeated. 

“Just tell me you didn't threaten to kill his family." His tone was light, but you could tell that part of him wasn't sure. 

This made you laugh, “Of course not.”

“I hope you know what you're doing Y/n.”

You looked out the window while he drove you back to campus. You also hoped that this wasn't a mistake, but one of the few things your father had strongly enforced into you as a child was that you should do everything to protect your family, and that's what the team had become to you. “Don't worry, I do. I'm protecting my family.”


	6. Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in process he does not become a monster.

If someone had told you that your evening would lead to you dancing with Spencer in a nightclub, you never would have believed them, if fact, you’d have laughed in their face.

The day had started normal enough, or as normal as a day could start in your line of work. The team had made the trip to New Orleans. Three couples had been murdered three weeks in a row, shot execution style, with the women severely beaten, many of the injuries postmortem based off the preliminary coroners reports. 

The team had split up, Tara and Luke had gone to speak to the coroner to get a better understanding of the state of the bodies, Emily, along with JJ and Rossi were interviewing the families of the victims, leaving you and Spencer to work on the geological profile. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” You had looked over at Spencer whose eyebrows were furrowed as he stared at his map. It was uncharacteristically unfilled in give the amount of time he’d been working on it. He seemed far away today, but who could blame him. 

It had been six weeks since the team had gotten Spencer out of prison. Six weeks since Cat Adams had kidnapped Spencer’s mother and six dreadfully long weeks of him being on mandated leave pending a review. You had anxiously counted down the days until he’d be back sitting at the desk across from you and when he’d walked in to the bullpen this morning you had heaved a sigh of relief and felt comfort that you hadn't felt in months. Your family was all back together. 

“Can I ask you something?” Spencer said finally, breaking the silence.

“Sure. What's on your mind?”

“Do you think it's too early for me to be back.” He asked playing with the marker in his hand. 

You paused a moment, taking a good look at him. “I think the real question is do you think it's too soon?”

“Interesting. Answering my question with a question.” He chuckled as he sat on the end of the table and looked at his hands, not saying anything. 

“You know, sometimes I hate profilers. I'm not avoiding your question, I just want to know what you're feeling.”

He chuckled again but this time his heart wasn't really in it. “I feel like I've been afraid to come back.” He finally said, his voice soft. You set down the folder you had been looking through to cross the room to where he was and sat next to him, putting your hand on his.

“What are you afraid of?”

“I threw a pregnant woman into a wall and choked her. I wanted to kill her, and I would have if JJ hadn't pulled me off her.” The memory was vivid in your mind. After JJ pulled him off Cat, he had joined you in the room where you’d been watching the interview. The anger in his eyes had scared you, it was a side of him that you’d never seen but it had quickly been replaced with a mix of regret and fear at what he’d done, fear at what he might have become. “What if I snap? What if she turned into a monster.” His voice cracked. 

“Spence. You’re a good man. She had your mom and she was going to kill her. She wanted to push you to that point and she knew how to get you there.” It was your turn to soften your voice, “ And honestly, I wanted to kill her too, for what she did to you, and your mom and Cassie. If it had been me that room, I'm not sure what I would have done.” He looked over at you, his eyes locked on yours. “You're too good of a man to be a monster.” You added, and the corners of his mouth twitched almost smiling. “Now, get back to your map, Emily’s expecting your geographical profile.” You patted his knee and went back to grab your file.

“Hey, wait.” He held his hand out flat. You looked at his hand with a raised eyebrow, was he waiting on a high five? “My penny?” He prompted with a smile on his face. You were so glad to see him smiling again.

You patted your pockets, coming up empty. “How about a shitty police station coffee instead?”

“Deal. Two sugars please.”

“Yes Spencer, I know.”

While you were walking back with the shitty police station coffees you ran into the rest of the team walking into the conference room.

“Reid called, said he has something?” Rossi asked, holding the door for you. 

“He didn't say, I went to grab these.” You held up the coffees while you passed him. You weren't shocked that he had figured something out in the short time you were away. You set Spencer's coffee on the table, and took a seat at the table.

“What have you got for us Reid?” Emily asked, joining the table.

“Based off the disposal sites I was able to find the unsubs comfort zone, here, and I had Garcia run the victims credit cards and social medias, and they were at this one night club at some point in the week leading up to their murders.”

“And we spoke with the friends and families of the victims. The couples were all have issues, to the point that there were spats in public.” Tara added.

“What’s he getting out of this?” You asked.

“Clearly the women are a surrogate for someone. Look at them. They could be sisters.” JJ stood and walked to the board you had set up. “The hair, the eyes, body type, age.”

“Hmm.” Luke was stroking his chin, staring hard at the board. “You know who else fits that description.” He trailed off and the entire table looked over at you. 

Which is how you ended up in a borrowed dress in a nightclub holding Spencer's hand. It had been decided that of all the male agents that you had at your access he was the best choice, he was the least Fed looking Fed there was. He had of course had objections, but he had talked with Emily privately and when they had rejoined the group he had been on board. 

“So. This is fun.” Spencer said awkwardly. ”Is it always so loud at these places?”

“I imagine so. Not really my thing.”

“Me neither.” 

“Not shocking at all.” You laughed. He looked very out of place in a night club. Thankfully you’d managed to convince him to lose the tie and sweater, but there was still something that looked off. “Come here a sec.” You grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him close. “You look to buttoned up.” You told him, undoing the top two buttons of his shirt. “You should probably also roll up your sleeves.” 

“Right.” He did what you said, rolling his sleeves to the elbow. It was much better. He ran his hand though his hair and looked around the nightclub, a worried look on his face.

“You’re doing great.” You wrapped your arms around his neck and started to sway. “We should probably dance a bit before our dramatic fight.”

“I don’t know how to dance to this type of music.” He said into your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Just move to the music.” He let you lead him while you moved to the music, even smiling at one point. “Are you having fun?”

“Maybe a little.” He glance at his watch. “It's just about time.” He took a step back. 

“Sorry.” You mouthed then threw your drink in his face. “You asshole!” You said loudly, making sure that you were getting attention from the people surrounding you. The point was to make a scene, and scene you were going to deliver. “I can’t believe you were checking that girl out while you're dancing with me.”

“Y/n-”

“Don't you Y/n me, I am you girlfriend Spencer.” You smacked his hand away from you, “Don't follow me.” You snarled over your shoulder as you stalked away, leaving him on the dance floor. 

“Wow.” JJ whistled when you joined her on the side with Tara. “Throwing your drink at him was a nice touch.”

“Thanks.” You stifled a smile. You hadn't told him you were going to do that and the look of surprise on his face when the club soda had soaked him was the best thing you’d ever seen. 

“You should get back out there. Any men that approach you, push your beacon, and we’ll get Garcia to run their info.”

You took a few laps of the room, waiting to see if anyone came over, occasionally glancing at Spencer across the dance floor where he was with Luke. After about an hour of that you made your way over to the bar and ordered yourself a water. While you sipped the water you scanned the room for Spencer, not finding him. 

“Hi, excuse me. Is your boyfriend that tall skinny guy?” A woman asked. 

“Yeah.”

“I work here, he asked me to come grab you? He had something to show you.” She said. You looked over to Tara and JJ then over to Luke, who were all scanning the crowd looking for anything amiss.

“Um. Yeah. Sure.” You followed her behind the staff only door, and down a dark hall. The manager had been told about the team’s operation, but had been told not to say anything to the rest of the staff. Clearly, he hadn't obliged. “Did he say what he wanted to show me?” You asked.

“No.” She said simply. “Take that next door on the left.” You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but you started to sense that something was wrong. “You look like my sister.” She said finally, and that's when an icy cold chill went down your spine. “Go. Down the stairs.” You turned back to look at her and she was holding a gun. “Go. Hands up, nothing funny or I’ll kill him.”

“Shit.” You said under your breathe. There was no way for you to push your beacon without her seeing. You went down the stairs and she directed you to a large industrial freezer. 

When you entered you saw Spencer on his knees, he was handcuffed to a railing and had the beginnings of a black eye. You gently shook your head at him, hoping he’d know what you meant, and that you hadn't been able to push the beacon yet. 

“You. On your knees, facing him.” 

“Our friends will notice we’re gone.” You said, lowering yourself to your knees, she zip tied your hands together, securing you to a shelf.

“They never notice. A couple fights, they make up, they leave without telling anyone. Happens all the time. They'll remember tomorrow not seeing you for the night.” She sat on a stool in-between you. “So. What's your story? How long have you been together?” She asked Spencer.

“Two years.” Spencer said.

“And you love her?”

“Yes.”

“So why do you check out other women? Don't you think she deserve better.”

“She does. She deserves much better then me.” He looked at you, if he was afraid he was hiding it well. 

“And you.” She turned to you. “Do you love him?”

“Yes.” You whispered.

“Even though he treats you like garbage?”

“He doesn't-” She smacked you across the face. Spencer strained again his handcuff while your face dampened with blood from your nose.

“He does. A man that respects you doesn't look at other women.” She stroked Spencer's face with the gun while looking at you. “You really could do so much better.”

“Please don't hurt him.”

“I'm not going to hurt him.” The unsub shook her head. “were going to play a game.”

“What kind of a game?”

“If you play it right, one of you will leave. If you play if wrong, well… Maybe you’ve seen the news.” She turned her back to you, fully putting her attention of Spencer. Careful to not make any noise you reached for your purse with your foot, pulling it to you.

“I’ll play.” Spencer said, his eyes focused solely on the unsub. You managed to get your hands to the floor and pulled the beacon out and pressed it, sending a panic signal.

“So you love her, right?” The unsub asked, Spencer nodded. “Would you die for her?” 

“Yes.”

She took the revolver and removed all the bullets except one, closed it and spun it, then held it to Spencer's head. “Gun to your head, you or her.”

“Me.”

“No, Spencer. Don’t.” You whispered, racking your brain for someway to stall until they found you.

“Me.” He repeated.

She pulled the trigger and the gun clicked, nothing firing. You flinched when she pulled the trigger.

“Please. Don't kill him.”

“You or her.” The unsub repeated, ignoring you completely.

“Me.” 

Click. Spencer never flinched, never faltered in holding eye contact with the sub.

“Spencer.” You cried out, he finally looked over to you.

“It’s okay.” He said softly. "Your family needs you. Just make sure my mom knows I love her."

“No.Please don’t hurt him.” You begged. You felt so helpless.

“I’m doing this for you.” The unsub turned to you, her face full of rage. “You need to see that men like him are no good for you. All they do is break your heart and reduce you to a shell of a woman you once were.” She turned back to Spencer and held the gun to his head again, “You or her.”

“Me.” Spencer repeated, this time looking at you. 

“This is the FBI freeze.” Luke's loud voice yelled, the door flying open. The unsub raised her gun at him and JJ fired at her, the unsub falling to the ground. She dropped her gun and writhed on the ground clutching her bloodied shoulder. 

******

“Its not broken.” The paramedic said, looking at your nose.

“Awesome. Thanks.” You wiped at your face with the damp tissues you were given. You saw Spencer across the parking lot, walking away from his own ambulance, talking to Luke, and your chest filled with strange feeling. “Can I go?”

The paramedic nodded, “Of course.”

You jumped out the back of the ambulance and practically ran across the parking lot. “Hey.” You shouted, Spencer and Luke both looked over at you. “What the hell was that?” The feeling was anger. Luke could read that on your face and grabbed you by the waist, lifting your feet off the ground. “Luke. Put me down right now.”

“When you calm down.”

“Do not tell me to calm down.” You snapped.

“It's okay Luke. Put her down.” Spencer said. Luke hesitated a second but put you down. You went over to Spencer and slapped him hard across the face.

“I'm so mad at you right now.” Your voice shook. You knew your anger was misplaced, and that he did nothing wrong, but the fact that he had been so willing to die for you filled you with rage. 

“I'm sorry.” He said softly. You hit him again, this time your fist on his chest. He pulled you against him and hugged you close. You wrapped your arms tight around him, never wanting to let him go.

“We only just got you back.” 

“I know. I'm sorry.” He said into you hair.

“You can let me go. I won't hit you again.” You said after a minute. “I promise.” Spencer let you go and you looked up at him. "Don't ever do that again."

"But it was true. You have parents and siblings who'd mourn you, as awful as it is, my mom will get to a point were she'll forget she even has a son."

"But what about us? We're your family too. We'd mourn you. So don't ever offer your life for mine again, got it?"

He shook his head, "No promises."

“We all good over here?” Emily asked, joining you. 

“We're fine.”

She eyed you both up and down. “It's late. You two should get back to the hotel and rest up. We’ll finish this up and head home in the morning.”

*******

You had been in the shower when you’d thought there was a knock on your door. You turned off the water and listened.

Another soft knock.

You wrapped yourself up in the plush robe and looked through the peephole to see Spencer standing in the hallway.

“Hey.” You said, opening the door. 

“Hey. The teams back, and their going to get some dinner if you wanted to come.”

“Sure. Just let me get dressed.”

“Okay. I’ll wait here.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“You can wait in here.” You moved out of the doorway so he could pass, “I’ll just be a second.” Left him standing in your hotel room and quickly threw your clothes from early back on, tossing your still damp hair up. “Alright. Ready?” You walked back out and your heart skipped a beat. 

“Is this… Mine?” He asked, holding up his Caltech shirt that you had taken from his place months and worn to bed every night since.. 

“Um. I can explain.” You said, unsure how you we going to talk yourself out of this without seeming insane. “I just. I missed you when you were in prison, and I, um. I'm sorry.”

He didn't say anything and he just looked at you with a strange look on his face. Your face was warm and you felt oddly shy under his gaze.

“You can keep it, if you want.” He said finally. “I never wear it.” He set it back onto the bed. “So dinner?” He turned back to you.

“Yeah. Dinner would be great.” You were surprised that he didn't want to into it more, but relieved at the same time. "Should we talk about earlier?"

"I don't think so."

You met up with the team and headed out to eat. Everyone laughing and talking happily, glad to have resolved the case, but there was something you couldn't get off your mind. 

What the look Spencer gave you in your hotel room mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if anyone is actively waiting for these chapters to drop or anything but if so, sorry this one took awhile to come. Lots of over time at work this week so the last thing I wanted to do after a full day on the computer was to spend more time on a computer, and i started and restarted this chapter like 4 times because I couldn't figure it out, but I think the next one will make up for this.


	7. We both drowned under the waves of words we weren't saying

You wanted to scream. You were sitting in your parked car outside your place and you were on the verge of tears. The one weekend you had hoped you’d be called in for a case you weren't, but instead of relaxing at home doing things you wanted on this fine Saturday you had spent the day with your parents driving them around playing tour guide. For your mom’s sake you tried to ignore all the snide comments your dad made but at dinner it was all to much. 

There was only one voice you wanted to hear and as the phone rang you felt nervous. Things had been a little strange between you and Spencer since New Orleans. Not bad, just strange. You noticed more and more that strange look that he had had in your hotel room when he’d found his shirt, and how often it seemed to be directed at you. You could never figure out what he was thinking when he looked at you like that, like there was a puzzle he was trying to figure out.

You nervously bit the skin around your thumbnail considering hanging up. It was Saturday night, he probably had plans already but when he picked up your heart about jumped out of your chest.

“Y/N?” He said, his voice an instant comfort. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I'm fine?”

“It's just, you've never called me before, at least not socially. This is a social call I'm assuming?” You heard him set down a book and wondered which comfy chair in his place he was sitting at. 

“It is. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out.” You said quickly before you had a chance to wimp out.

“Now?”

“Yeah. Like go for a walk or a coffee or something.”

He didn't say anything at first and you regretted calling him. “There's this ice cream place near you that I’ve been wanting to try.” He said finally. “If you like ice cream.”

“Ice cream would be fantastic.”

“I can be over in twenty minutes?”

Twenty minutes later exactly Spencer knocked on your door. The second you saw him the weight you had felt in you chest was gone and you felt lighter.

“Hi.” You said, feeling oddly shy. It was strange seeing him like this, not at work with the others to play buffer. 

“Hi.” He smiled and your heart jumped a little. “You ready?”

“Yup. Should we drive, or?”

“It's such a beautiful evening, why don't we walk?” You nodded in agreement. 

You grabbed your purse and locked up, then you and Spencer fell in step together. “What’d you do today?” He asked.

“My parents are in town.” You said simply, knowing he'd understand. 

“Ah.” He clearly remembered your little meltdown form the last time your parents had visited, and the conversation the two of you had shared. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” You looked down at your shoes. He didn't push the subject, which was something you really liked about Spencer. He never pushed for more information, he was respectful of your privacy. “What did you do?” 

“I went to see my mom.”

“How is she?”

“She's good. She was having a good day.”

“I'm glad.” Good days were becoming fewer and far between for his mom and you knew the toll it was taking on him. “So. That last case-” You started, unsure what you should talk about.

“Hey, I thought this was a social visit? No work talk.” He interrupted with a laugh.

You awkwardly fumbled through some small talk: the weather, your shared friends and what you’d both eaten for dinner.

“Sorry. I'm not really good at this.” You couldn't help but laugh, you talked to him almost every day with ease, but there was something different about tonight. “What were you reading.” You asked. 

“I was reading ‘ One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich’ when you called.”

“In the original Russian, no doubt.” You added and he laughed again.

“Yes. In Russian.”

“Show off.” You teased, giving him a nudge with your shoulder. 

“Are you reading anything?” He asked, opening the door for you.

“Not right now. I honestly don't read a whole bunch. I want to, but after reading files while we work I just can’t get into them.”

“What do you do for fun?” He asked, “I don’t think you’ve talked about what you do when we aren't at work.”

“I like cooking, and baking, there's something about a home cooked meal after traveling. And movies. I like watching movies.” You both moved up in line, he was standing so close to him that you could feel the warmth coming off him “What kind of ice cream are you going to get?” You asked him, stepping away from him to scan the board. 

“I’m thinking one scoop matcha and one peanut butter. You?”

“I think cookie and cream, and … ” You trailed off, scrunching your nose while you studied the board, there were so many flavours for such a small place. 

“What about the coffee ice cream?” He crouched slightly to get to your level and pointed it out on the board. “It's very yummy.”

“Alright, you've convinced me.” You stepped up to the counter and told your order to the woman working, pulling out your wallet to pay.

“No, my treat.” Spencer gently nudged you over so he could order his.

“Spencer, no.”

“Spencer yes. You always buy me coffee, let me buy you ice cream.”

You crossed your arms again but relented. You looked around the ice cream shop while Spencer paid. It was very cute and you were surprised you’d never seen it before. It was so close to your place, you must have walked past it a hundred times. You looked back over at him, he was happily chatting with the young woman, blissfully unaware of the way she was looking at him. 

“Here.” He turned his attention back to you and handed you your ice cream, his fingers gently brushing against your hand and your skin felt like it was tingling. You figured it was just from the cold ice cream. 

“Thanks.” He grabbed the door for you again, “So?” You pried.

“So?” He raised his eyebrow and cocked his head.

“Did you get her number?”

“Whose number?”

“The girl that was just drooling all over you.”

“What? No she wasn't.” His cheeks were growing increasingly pink.

“Spencer. Are you serious?” He looked at you with a deer in the head lights look. “That girl was into you.”

Spencer rolled his eyes, “Girls don't look at me like that.” 

“I hate to be the one to break this to you Spence, but they absolutely do.” You took a small joy that the reddening of his cheeks was caused by you. “You should go back and ask her for her number.” You suggested, though the thought of him doing it made your stomach flip a little. “You know, she probably thought we were on a date, I could go back and tell her that we're just work colleagues.” 

“Ouch. Just work colleagues?

“I’m obviously joking Spencer. We’re friends.” This made him smile slightly. “You're actually one of my favourite people.” You added softly. His smile widened.

The rest of the walk home went by quicker, the conversation flowing easily between the two of you. As you approached your home you had a slight sense of dread. You were enjoying yourself and you didn't want this to end.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen Rear Window..” You said. You had arrived at you place a few minutes ago and now were both lingering on your front step. 

“I keep meaning to see it.” 

“I have it, if you wanted to come in, we could watch it? Or another time.”

“Yeah, let's watch it.”

You unlocked your door and showed him in. 

“Do you want some coffee or tea, or water? I might have some soda?”

“Water would be great, thanks.”

“Make yourself at home, feel free to snoop.” You said over your shoulder. You turned on the oven and pulled some of your emergency cookies out of the freezer, popping them in to bake and filled some glasses with water. You put some popcorn in for good measure.  
“Don't make a fuss for me.” Spencer said from the entrance of your kitchen, startling you. 

“This is a special occasion. You're the first non family guest I’ve had.” You handed him the bowl of popcorn and one of the waters, grabbing your own glass and a plate with some warm cookies.

“I like your place. It's very you.” He said while you set the movie up.

“How so?” 

“It's warm and inviting, very bright. Like you.” He said with a shrug. You were glad your back was to him and he couldn't see the blush you knew was spreading across your cheeks. 

“Thanks. I think.” You settled onto the couch, leaving space between the two of you.

"I'm glad we did this." He said, grabbing one of the cookies, "It's nice seeing you like this."

"Like this?" You didn't look over, pretending to be to focused on setting up the movie.

"You seem comfortable. When we're at work you seem stiff sometimes, it's just nice. Also, this is the best chocolate chip cookie I've ever eaten in my life."

****

“You're right. That was pretty great.” Spencer said while helping you carry the dishes back into the kitchen. 

“I’m glad you liked it.” You leaned against the counter and watched him refill his glass with some more water, then he joined you, the sides of your bodies pressed together.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about what ever happened with your parents earlier?” He asked softly.

You didn't say anything at first, you weren’t sure if you wanted to, then you sighed. “I've mentioned my dad, right?”

“Briefly.”

“Well. He is very against me being in the FBI, he feels that my skills and education, which by the way he paid for, something he never lets me forget, would be better suited at the Pentagon. And even though I've told him many times that I have no interest in working at the Pentagon, he still brought his friend from the Pentagon to dinner so he try to persuade me to accept the job.”

“You can't leave, we need you.”

“I know, I don't want to leave either, so I might have caused a little bit of a scene at dinner.”

“Ahh. I see.” He was quiet, thinking about what you’d said. 

“Don't you ever wish you could just be… you?” You said finally, breaking the silence. 

“How do you mean?”

“I just mean that growing everyone always knew who my dad was and there were always these expectations of who I was supposed to be, but all I’ve ever wanted is to just be… me.” You looked up at Spencer, “If that makes sense.”

“It makes sense. I know how you feel.”

You smiled, you knew if anyone would understand it would have been Spencer. “If you could have been anything, what would you have been?”

“I think I would have been a cowboy, had a farm, a wife, some kids.” He smiled sadly, and your heart ached for him, Garcia had mentioned what had happened to Spencer’s girlfriend many years ago.“ What about you?” 

“A teacher. Kindergarten I think.”

“A husband?”

You shrugged, “Maybe one day.”

“I'm sure if the day comes, you’d have no lack of suitors.”

“Meaning?” Your heart rate had picked up and you were suddenly very aware of how close you and Spencer were to each other.

His cheeks were pink again. “Meaning, I, um.” He fumbled over his words and cleared his throat. “You're not unattractive.”

“That sounded almost like a compliment.”

“It was meant to be.”

You weren't sure what you were thinking, you didn't even think at all. You reached up pulling him by his shirt collar kissing him square on the mouth. His lips were so pink and soft looking, you hadn't been able to help yourself any longer. He was hesitant at first, but brought his hands up, holding your face, his fingers tangled in your hair, and kissed you back. He kissed you like you’d never been kissed before and for a moment everything was alright.

“We can’t.” He said, pulling away abruptly. “We shouldn’t.” He added softly taking a step back from you. “We shouldn’t, right?”

“Spence.” He closed the space between you when you said his name and kissed you again. “Stay.” You whispered, your tone verging on begging “ Tonight we can be just Spencer and Y/N.” You searched his face, “No expectations, just two people caught up in a moment.”

“Y/N, I…We…” He was flustered, his cheeks were pink and he was looking at you in the same way he’d looked at you that night. 

You kissed him softly. “Please Spence. Just tonight.”

“Just tonight.” He repeated.


	8. You were my beautiful mistake and I don't regret anything. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest as you lead him by the hand to your bedroom.

“Y/N, are you sure?” He asked.

“Are you sure?”

He kissed you in response, pulling you in tight to him. Still kissing you pulled him to your bed, both of you falling into it. You fumbled with his shirt buttons, your hands shaking slightly at how badly you wanted him. 

“How do you undo this?” Spencer ran his hand across your back trying to find the clasp for your bra, your shirt tossed to the ground over his shoulder. 

“It clasps here.” You moved his hand to the front, leading him to exactly where you wanted him to touch you.

“How long were you going to let me struggle with that one?” He laughed. Undoing the clasp, he launched your bra over his shoulder, joining the growing pile of clothing.

You kissed the tip of his nose, “You're cute when you're flustered.” You teased, biting your lip.

He smiled and softly touched your lips. “You're so beautiful.” He whispered before kissing you again. He slowly kissed down your throat and down lower and lower. He settled between your legs, unbuttoning your pants and pulled them down excruciatingly slows leaving you in only your panties. Soft kisses were placed on your inner thighs before he slide your panties down too, leaving you fully exposed.

“These are cute.” He held up your cartoon cactus panties, making you laugh. He threw them over his shoulder as well, the so gently ran his fingers up your legs, giving you goosebumps. 

Spencer then pulled you to the edge of the bed, and spread your legs. He reached up and grabbed each of your wrists and held them using your arms to keep your legs where he wanted them. He softly started to placing more kisses in your inner thighs, always stopping short of where you wanted him.

“Spence.” You begged, “Please.”

He let go of one of your wrists and very slowly he slide one of his ridiculously long fingers in, followed by a second. You closed your eyes and let your head fall back. Reaching out, your fingers tangle into his soft curls, a soft moan falling from your lips with each pump his fingers. His breathe was warm against your thighs as he lower his face, his lips and tongue finally where you’d wanted them. You opened your eyes to watch, and you’d never seen such a beautiful sight, his own eyes closed while he ate you out in earnest. With the addition of a third finger and his tongue it wasn't long before you started to feel that familiar warmth growing in the pit of your stomach. His name becoming a chant on your lips, begging him not to stop.

Your walls tightened around his fingers and the pace of your moans quickened. “Spence.” You gasped unable to stop yourself grinding against his hand while you came, desperate for more. He kept up his pace while you rode out the waves of pleasure. You was a trembling mess when he slowly pulled his finger out. You watched him bring his fingers to his mouth and lick them clean, his eyes never leaving you. 

“Has anyone ever told you how sweet you taste?” He asked, making you blush, these were words you’d never imagine leaving his mouth, least of all directed at you.

“No.” You whispered, mesmerized by how beautiful he was and in awe that he was here in your bedroom and that in this moment he wanted you as badly as you wanted him.

“That's a travesty. Condoms?” He asked softly, undoing his belt and letting his pants fall to the ground.

“Bathroom, bottom drawer.” You’d have gotten them yourself, but you weren't sure if your legs would have held, your whole body felt like jelly.

He left only for a moment and returned with the whole box, setting in on your bedside table before easing himself onto your bed. He slide an arm under you and gently pulled you up to the pillows, kissing you forcefully, the taste of you still on his lips.

“Hey. Is this still what you want?” He asked, the wrapper crinkling as he opened it, his eyes searching your face for any hesitation on your part. You kissed him response, and you could feel him smile. “But you're sure?”

“Spencer. I want this, I want you, so bad.” The smile he had on his face when you said that make your heart flutter, and he kissed you again, rolling you both so he was on top of you. He was careful to not put too much weight on you, bracing himself with one arm beside you and with his other hand he laced his fingers into your. Then so, so slowly he slide himself into you making your breath hitch. Slowly he picked up his pace, his hips rolling against you at a steady rhythm, while his lips kissed every part of you he could reach, you kissing him back. He kissed you in a way that you’d never been kissed before, so deeply that you could feel it in your soul. His eyes were closed, the focus clear on his face, he was a man on a mission and what a glorious mission it was. He had your toes curling as he pushed you closer and closer.

“You should touch yourself.” He whispered between kisses, his eyes now watching you.

“What?”

“An alarming amount of woman can’t reach completion from penetration alone, so you should use your free hand, I wouldn't be offended.” 

“Trust me, you're doing great without my help.” You managed to get out, his rhythm starting to get sloppy, but it didn't matter, he had already brought you to the edge. You came with your lips against his, your body was on fire and you were left gasping for air. 

After a few more pumps he groaned, burying his face in your neck trying to catch his breath. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close to you, never wanting to leave this moment. He finally pulled himself out of you and rolled onto his back. Neither of you said anything at first, but he reached over and held your hand. 

“That was pretty great.” You said finally.

Spencer chuckled, “I didn't know it could be that good.” He rolled over to look at you, brushing some of your hair off your face.

“Spence.” You touched his face, tracing his lips softly. How had you never noticed until now how beautiful his eyes were. Brown with some gold frames by long lashes, but what you loved most about them was the way they looked at you, like you were the most beautiful woman in world and he could bare to take his eyes off you. “Did you want to do that again?” You asked, unable to pull your gaze away from him. He was beautiful, a beautiful, sweaty mess with his usually wild hair even more wild from your fingers.

“I want to try something, if that's alright.” He whispered, you nodded, curious about what Spencer wanted to try in bed. He rolled you onto your stomach, his tip teasing your entrance, “Is this okay.” He breathed into you ear, kissing just under it.

“Yes.” You couldn't have said it faster, pressing yourself against him. He brought his hand to your mouth and offered two fingers, which you happily took in your mouth, swirling your tongue around them.

“Good girl.” He whispered, making you gasp when he took them out. He moved his hand down your body, putting his fingers between where you were most sensitive and your bed.

“Please Spencer.” You tried to press against his fingers desperate for any friction.

He finally slid into you, and wasn’t as gentle this time and god you loved ever second of it. It was so overwhelmingly amazing that when you opened your mouth nothing came out. The only sound filling the night were the sound of skin on skin and his panting as he relentlessly fucked you into your bed, while his fingers rubbed against you. You came so hard, harder then you’d ever come before, clenching your sheets and pulling them off the corner of your bed. 

You were still gasping when Spencer finished with a throaty groan, rolling off you as you rolled onto your side. Your mouth open unsure what to say. 

“Don't move.” He said softly, easing himself out of the bed. He didn't need to tell you twice, you didn't think you could move is you’d wanted to. He went back into the bathroom and you heard the water running. When he came out he had a glass of water in one hand and a wash cloth in the other. “Here.” He said handing you the glass. You sipped deeply while he gently wiped the slickness from you inner thighs. 

“I know you have a thing about germs, but I think all things considered….” You trailed off, holding the glass out to him. 

He laughed a deep belly laugh while he threw the cloth into the hamper and then took the glass from your hand, finishing it in two big gulps.

“Are you alright?” He said getting back into the bed with you. He wrapped his arms around you, his fingers softly tracing shapes on your skin while you settled up against him. The warmth of his body was so soothing and made you feel safe. You never wanted him to let you go, savouring this moment.

“I'm fantastic.” You stretched up to kiss him. You both laid comfortably together in silence while your hands explored each other’s bodies.

“Tell me something about you that no one else on the team knows about you.” He said finally.

“What do you want to know?” 

He pondered a moment, “What's your favourite colour?”

“Green. Like your place. Yours?”

“I don't have a favourite colour.”

This made you roll your eyes, “Then tell me something.” You propped yourself up on your elbow.

He was quite again, taking your hand in his, “When I was little I wanted to join the circus.” He played with your fingers bringing them to his lips kissing each finger tip.

“Oh?” 

He held up his wrist, “That’s how I got this scar. I fell off a fence trying to walk along it.”

“What about this scar?” You asked, touching one the side of his throat that you’d never noticed before.

“I got shot on a case a few years ago.” He didn't offer anymore explanation, knowing rightfully so that the answer would likely upset you. You moved your attention to the newest of his scars, the scar still fresh looking despite the months he’d been out. “Do you want to know what I thought about before everything went black.” He asked.

“Yes.” You whispered, unable to pull your eyes from that scar.

“You. The last thing I remember thinking about was that morning we woke up together in South Dakota and I just felt safe and warm in that memory, and I wasn't scared to die.” A tear fell down your cheek onto his chest. “Hey. Please don't cry.” He wrapped his arms around you, squeezed you tight and put a soft kiss on the top of your head. “I don't want you cry over little old me.”

“I just, I don't know what we what we would do without you. Or…” you stopped yourself, unsure if what you wanted to say would ruin the moment. The mood had shifted and the happy, light feeling you had moments ago was starting to get replaced with reality setting in. The stolen moment, the stolen momentary happiness you had had with Spencer was just that. A stolen moment. A glimpse at what could never be. 

“Or?” He asked, you didn't answer making him poke your skin. “Or?” He repeated, nudging you along. 

“Or what I would do, without you.” You pushed yourself up so you could see his face, softly touching his beautiful lips again, tracing them as they curled up into a sad smile, as if he could feel the same conflict you were feeling.

“Do you regret this?” He whispered, sitting up. 

You shook your head, “No. Do you?”

“Y/N. This is one of the best nights of my life.”

“I'm just a little scared that we’ve ruined everything. That we won't be friends anymore.” Another tear slipped down your cheek which Spencer wiped away with this thumb.

“I promise you that we’ll still be friends In the morning.”

You pulled your knees up to your chest, and avoided his eyes, tracing the patterns on your blanket. “I wish things could be different.” You said softly, hoping he’d know what you meant but weren’t saying. It was very very very against the rules to be romantically involved with a team member, you both knew this, and knew the trouble you'd be in if anyone found out. Spencer had only just been allowed to rejoin the team, it was clear that he was on thin ice already, and the back lash Emily could face if anyone thought she was allowing this to happen, or that she didn't have a handle on her team. 

“Me too. But if tonight is all we get, I don't think we should spend it being sad and longing for the what ifs, and just focus on what's in front of us.”

You leaned over and kissed him slowly, savouring the way he tasted and memorizing the way his lips worked against yours, and the feeling of his handing in your hair. You threw your leg over him , straddling him, deepening the kiss, one hand in his hair, the other gently palming him. His eyes widening and his head feel back slightly, exposing his throat, which you peppered with kisses and gently nipped.

“Lie back.” You gently pressed your hand to his chest, pushing him down to the bed. He eagerly watched you grab another condom from the box and rolled it on him drawing a gasp from him. As you slowly lowered yourself onto him his eyes fluttered shut, and he grabbed your hips, squeezing tight. He was breathing deeply and nodding his head while you teased him, slowly sliding along him. 

“Please.” He gasped. He was so beautiful under you that you had to oblige. You picked up your pace, rocking your hips against him. Wanting more you, he thrusted up from under you, every time bringing you closer and closer. Your nails dug into his chest and his fingers squeezed harder into your hips, certain to leave bruises. 

He sat up, his rhythm never faltering. Now chest to chest you wrapped your arms around him, holding him close, your foreheads rested together, your eyes never leaving each other's.

“I'm so close.” You managed to get out between all your gasps and whines.

“Wait for me.” He moaned, “Please. Please wait for me, sweetheart.” He begged, his thrusts starting to get sloppier as he got close. 

“I don't know if I can.” You whimpered, you were right there at the edge, moments away.

“You can. Just a few more.” He grunted. A few more pumped and you whined, able to stop yourself. You saw stars as you came, your walls clenching as you rode out your high.

You collapsed next to each other for the second time that night, panting to catch your breath and the air cool against your dampened skin. You both rolled over to look at each other, taking in the moment. He had a soft look on his face, his warm as they searched your face. “I-” He started to whisper, but you stopped him, your fingers on his lips.

“Don’t say anything that will make this harder.”

He kissed your fingers, and you just laid there, cursing that the night would end, and that he'd leave in the morning. 

“Don't move. I’ll go get a cloth.” Spencer said, breaking the silence.

“It’s okay, don't get up. I'm going to use the restroom room real quick.” You slipped out of the bed. 

“Good idea. That lessens the likelihood of a UTI.”

You bit your lip to stop yourself from laughing. He was still the same Spencer, and you were still you, and maybe this was a mistake, but God, what a beautiful mistake it was. 

When you finished up and came back out he was fast asleep in your bed. You smiled to yourself and crawled back in next to him. Even asleep he instinctively reached for you and you quickly fell asleep once again in his arms.


	9. Not the day only, but all things have their mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so I know this one is very very very short, but I felt like the one before was missing this little bit at the end of it, and I'm hoping to finish another part tonight. It's been a busy week at work with lots of over time to work on a big project so I'm hoping to update more frequently.
> 
> If you're actively reading this I really appreciate it! I've had some form of this story in my head for literal years, so I'm glad to finally be writing it down

You woke up in the morning pressed up against Spencer with his arms around you. Your first instinct was to pull away from him but he was so warm and snuggled up against you that you couldn't bare to pull yourself away from him. He looked so peaceful sleeping next to you, all his worries temporarily gone from his face. You could have stayed there forever watching him sleep, listening to his soft breathing, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours.

Unable to help yourself you reached over and brushed his hair off his face. He sighed and his eyes fluttered opened. There was a moment of confusion but then his eyes softened. 

“Hi.” He whispered, reached over and brushing back your hair before letting his thumb lightly brush across your lips. “You're so beautiful.” He added softly. He said it with such certainty, like it was one of his facts. 

You covered your face with the blanket, partially out of embarrassment, but mostly because the way he was looking at you made you want to burst into a million pieces. What you would have given for Spencer to never stop looking at you like that, like you really were the most beautiful person in the world. 

“Come back.” Spencer laughed, gently pulling the blanket away. He leaned in to kiss you, but you pulled away, the look of hurt on his face unmissable.

“I'm sorry.” You whispered. “I just, I don't think it’d be a good idea.” As badly as you wanted him to kiss you again, to feel him again, you knew that this thing, whatever it was couldn't live in the morning light, couldn’t be allowed to grow into something real. 

You couldn't look him in the eyes, afraid of the sadness you knew would be there. 

“You're probably right.” He said finally. 

“I’m going to take a shower, so if you wanted to leave without the awkward goodbye, that’d probably be your moment.” You finally met his eyes. “Still friends?” You asked.

“Still friends.”

“Promise?” You held up your pinky. 

“Did you know that the origin of a pinky promise is that if you were to break the promise you’d have to cut your pinky off.”

“Spencer.” You laughed, and he looped his pinky with yours.

“I promise that we’re still friends.”

“Good. And, um, yeah. If you wanted to leave that’d be okay.” You said this more for yourself. You knew he needed to leave but a bigger part of you, a part you knew was wrong, wanted him to stay.

“I think I want to buy you breakfast.”

“Spencer… That seems to much.... You know?" 

“We could call up JJ and Garcia, maybe Emily. I just feel like I owe you some breakfast.”

You so easily could have said no, but you were hungry. “I want pancakes and bacon and eggs. I did work up quite the appetite last night.”

He smiled, “I think we could arrange that.”


	10. We are each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?

Spencer woke up with a start covered in a thin layer of sweat, panting from his nightmares. He looked around the strange dark room. He hated waking up disoriented and unsure of where he was. 

“Memphis.” He said softly to himself. “You're in Memphis.” He rolled over to check the time, he'd only been asleep a few hours, but now his heart was pounding hard in his chest, sure to keep him awake until the early hours. With a sigh he pushed himself up to sit, reaching for his bag and grabbing a book. He leafed through it for a little while, unable to focus. He checked the time again and he found himself wondering about you, and if you were awake. 

His nightmares had gotten bad again since leaving prison and he often woke up terrified. The only solace he had been finding after his dreams was remembering how it felt to be with you. He hadn't lied when he told you a month ago that that had been one of the best nights of his life. That night with you had been amazing, it made him forget, if only for the night, every terrible thing that had happened to him, and had replaced all the sadness he had inside with a ray of hope that he could still feel happy. Since your night together, after ever nightmare he grounded himself back those moments. 

He never said , but he had been a little worried that things would change between the two of you. Things had changed, but in a good way. There was an unspoken understanding between you now. You looked at Spencer now the same way he looked at you, stolen glances between the two of you that no one else seemed to ever notice.   
He wanted to see you, knowing you were just down the hall, only a moment away wasn't enough tonight to settle his thoughts tonight. He needed to hear you tell him everything would be alright. 

He found himself outside your door, unsure if he should knock. You were probably asleep, it had been a long day for the team, and you had looked exhausted when you’d said goodnight to the team. 

He knocked softly, so soft that it wouldn't wake you if you’d been sleeping then he waited. He almost left but he heard the lock slide.

“Hey, is everything okay?” You asked, opening the door for him. When he saw you it was like all the weight was lifted off him. You looked so small in the doorway in front of him, eye makeup smudged, wearing his shirt that you had taken months earlier. You looked flushed and warm, like you’d been asleep, or at least close to it.

“Yeah, I just…” He trailed off. He couldn't think of a good enough reason to give you for showing up at your door this early in the morning. 

“You just what?” You asked him softly.

Spencer laughed softly and ran his hand through his hair, “I don't know.”

“Do you want to come in?” You asked, opening the door wider and reached out for his hand, slipping your fingers into his. “We can talk about whatever's on your mind.”

“I don't know.”

“For a genius you seem to know surprisingly little.” You teased, biting your lip. You gently pulled him into you room and sat him on the edge of your bed. “Nightmares again?” You asked, studying his face. He was sure he looked tired, more so then normal. 

Spencer nodded, unable to pull his eyes off you. 

“We could talk about it, if you want.” You gently stroked his cheek and he melted at your touch. “It could help.”

Spencer shook his head, “I don't want you to be burdened with knowing those things.” His dreams were dark and scary places filled with things he never wanted you to know about. 

“Spence.” You whispered, your head tilted as you sadly looked into his eyes. He knew it wasn't a look of pity, but rather genuine concern.

Spencer liked to think he was a rational man but hearing you whisper his name like that, he couldn't help himself. He reached out and took your face with both hands, pulling you to him. Your lips crashed together in a frenzied kiss, both so hungry for each other. You straddled his lap and wrapped your arms around the back neck while he dropped his hands to the bare skin of your legs, sliding them up, up, up so they rested on your hips under the shirt. 

You dropped one of your hands and started to gently palm him over his pants evoking soft gasps from his mouth. You started to work at undoing his belt when Spencer’s senses came to him.

“No.” He pulled his mouth away from you. “Not like this.”

“It’s okay. We can, if you want. Take your mind off things.” You said softly, running your hand up his chest and kissing the tip of his nose.

“If anyone found out, we’d be in so much trouble.” He pulled away from you again, “Fraternizing in a room that the government paid for, probably grounds for immediate termination, and an investigation for Emily.”

You sat back onto his lap and studied his face. “You're right, like always.”

He wished he wasn't, he wish he could have touched you like he had so many nights ago, to hear those sweet sounds you’d made and the way you'd cry out his name. 

“You can stay if you want.” You told him, playing with the collar of his shirt, “I don't there's anything in the rules about just sleeping in the same bed, is there?”

“No.” He laughed. “Nothing of that sort.”

“Good.” You smiled and his heart leapt. You got off his lap and under the covers and looked at him, holding the covers up on the one side.

“Maybe just a few minutes.” He crawled in next to you and you reached over taking his hand in yours.

**

You’d never found much comfort in physical affection, even as a child, but waking up next to Spencer with arms around you could start to see the appeal. The way his body engulfed you, his head rest on your back, you'd never felt so at ease. Your alarm would go off any minute now and you’d have to sent him back to his room, but you were going to savour this moment a little longer. 

You’d thought it was a dream the night before when he’d been at your door. You’d been thinking of him, like you often did late at night, cursing that your fingers weren't able to get you to the same place he was able to so easily bring you to when he’d knock so softly you almost didn't hear it. 

Your cheeks burned red at how you’d thrown yourself at him last night, so desperate for him that it embarrassed you. Just friends was the agreement, but the way he’d made you feel was unlike how any other man had, and you craved it. Craved him. 

“Spencer. Wake up.” You shifted and he groaned softly. 

“What time is it?” He sat up and you rolled over, smiling at what you saw. His hair was more wild then it normally was and he was still completely dressed in what he’d worn the day before.

“Almost six fifteen. You should go back to your room.” The team was planning on meeting downstairs at seven before heading back to the station, and there would be hell to pay is anyone saw him sneaking out of your room so early.

“Thank you, for letting me stay.”

“You're welcome, but seriously. Luke was talking about going to work out before breakfast, so careful in the hall.”

He snuck out leaving you alone in your bed, missing him already. You weren't nearly as tired as you though you’d be considering the late hour you finally fallen asleep, but with Spencer next to you could have sworn you slept deeper. 

You went about your morning routine, shower, hair, some make up and whatever clothes from your bag. 

By the time you got to the lobby Spencer was already sitting there waiting for everyone else. His eyes were closed and he didn't stir when you walked to him.

“Hey there sleepy head.” You rustled his damp hair and you said in the armrest of his chair.

“Morning.” Spencer smiled and handed you a coffee from the table in front of him. “They have a pretty decent breakfast spread. I grabbed you this.” He said almost bashfully as he passed you a yogurt parfait that you had to admit looked tasty.

“You didn't have to do that.” You bit back a smile.  
“I wanted to. As a thank you for last night.” His eyes focused on something behind you and he cleared his throat, his whole demeanour changing.

“Morning.” Rossi along with Tara joined you both. 

“What are you guys talking about so early.” Tara groaned sliding her sunglasses on.

“The importance of a good breakfast.” Spencer replied as he sipped his coffee, his eyes catching yours.

The rest of the team filtered in and you piled into the SUV’s and headed down to the police station. You’d been in Memphis for 3 days. The unsub had been killing young men, all in there early to mid twenties, and of a similar body type.

A major break had come early in the afternoon when Garcia had finished a deep look into their background. All three at one point had been trainers at fitness centres, and when a fourth man had been reported missing, also a trainer, that the pieces started to really fall together. 

The fourth man had been seeing a recent divorced woman who he had been training before her divorce, and her ex- husband hadn't taken the news well. He was good for the murders and had been taken into custody, but was refusing to cooperate and the fourth man was still missing.

“Hello. Who are you?” The unsub asked, looking you up and down while Luke lead him past you on his way to the interrogation room. You didn't reply, and he turned back to Luke. “How do you focus all day with such a specimen. All I'd be thinking about was how gorgeous she’d look on her back, with my hands on her throat.” He chuckled.

“Shut up.” Luke shoved him forcefully into the room and shut the door.

You quietly excused yourself, not wanting to draw attention to how uncomfortable you were and went into the ladies room. You ran the water cold and pressed your cool damp hands to your face in an attempt to get the gross warm feeling off your skin. 

Spencer was waiting outside the door for you. “Hey. Are you alright?” He asked softly, a genuine look of concern on his face while he took in your still damp skin.

“I’m fine.” You tried to sound lighthearted, but the forced tone of your voice made him raise an eyebrow. “Really Spence. It's not the first time a man’s said something creepy to me, and it won't be the last. I’m fine.”

“I'm sorry. That’s not okay.”

“It's not your fault. Not all men can be a sweet as you, or as kind.” You checked to make sure you were alone before reaching over and taking his hand in yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I promise I’m alright.”

He reached up and squeezed your shoulder and you let your cheek fall onto his hand. 

“We should get back.”

“Yeah. Let’s nail this asshole to the wall.”


	11. And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in

“Oof. Sorry.” You said, turning to face the person you'd just walked into while the paper work he had been holding fluttered to the ground. Tall, dark haired and handsome, with shockingly blue eyes. “I wasn't watching were I was going.” You dropped to the ground to help him clean up his papers. You had been trying to sneak out of work with out drawing too much attention to yourself, not wanting them to ask to many questions about your weekend plans.

“No worries.” He smiled. “Don't I know you?” He asked, taking the papers you had collected.

You took another look at him, “No, I don't think so.”

“You just look so familiar.” He said while you both stood. “Rick Matthews.” He offered you his hand.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” You took it and quickly shook his hand, looking at him, trying to remember if you’d met him before. You were usually pretty good with faces. He was smiling at you when you heard the familiar click of Garcia's heel.

“Oh good, Y/N. You're still here! Let's walk out together.” Garcia said, Reid right behind her.

“Well. It was nice to meet you.” Rick said, smiling at you one last time before continuing on.

“Who was that?” Garcia asked while the three of you got in the elevator.

“I have no idea. He said his name was Rick.” You shrugged.

“Did he say anything else? Like his phone number?” Garcia poked you with one of her aggressively pink finger nails. 

You could feel your cheeks getting red. “No. He did not.”

“You should go back and ask him. He was hot.”

“I mean, if you're into that.”

“You aren't?”

“No. He’s not really my type.” You snuck a glance at Spencer, wanting to melt into the floor that he’d been here for this conversation. 

Since Memphis a few weeks earlier you’d been working really hard at trying to keep things professional between you and Spencer. Yes, you still snuck looks at him whenever you could, and yes, you still let your thoughts wander to him late at night, but you’d been careful to try not to do anything that might lead him on. 

“Good thing we made it back in time for your plans with your sister.” Spencer said finally making you whip your head around.

“How did you know I have plans with my sister?” You asked.

“You mentioned earlier.” Garcia jumped in as the elevator door opened on the main floor. “I for one am so glad it's the weekend. I'm going to take a nice bubble bath when I get home, have some wine and get in my jammies. Spencer, didn’t you say you were going to a foreign film festival?” 

“I am.” He nodded, a strange look on his face as he agreed with Garcia.

“Cool. Well have a nice weekend.” You waved over your shoulder at them and went to your car, glad to have made it through the day without them finding out your secret

*

“What is this place?” You groaned as you and your youngest sister, Avery, walked into what you could only imagine was some crappy dive bar. 

“Birdie. You promised that I could be in charge of your birthday festivities.”

You had promised that, much to your disappointment. She had moved to DC a month ago and you had blown her off every time the two of you had made plans, so as a peace offering had promised to do what ever she wanted on your birthday. You’d been hoping for dinner somewhere on your dime, and hadn't expected her to want to get dressed up and go out to a bar then have a sleep over but here you were. She’d done your hair loose and wild looking and had picked an outfit for you from a large bag of clothes she had brought over. You’d almost put your foot down at the skimpy sparkly top and short skirt, but she convinced you.

A shouted “Surprise!” took you aback when you walked in, your work friends cheered with the only noticeable absence being Spencer. You hated the feeling in your stomach at the realization that this was a surprise party for you, but even worse that he wasn't here. 

“I can’t believe you didn't tell us it was your birthday.” Garcia squealed as she hugged you.

“How'd you find out?”

“Mama told Penelope and gave her my number so we could plan this.” Avery threw her arm over your shoulder.

“Avery.” Garcia smiled warmly. “So nice to finally really meet you. And this place is great. I didn't know it was a karaoke bar!”

“I know, it's pretty great here, I come here all the time with my friends, and everyone calls me Duckie, so you can all just call me that if you want .” Avery added.

“Duckie, Birdie? I'm sensing a pattern.” Rossi said, handing you both a shot of who knows what. You swung it back, hoping to get rid of the nagging sadness that you could feel creeping up.

“We call my other sister chickadee.” Avery explained while you slipped out of her arm and went over to JJ.

“Is Spencer coming?” You asked, trying to play it cool, not wanting to draw too much attention to the fact that you were disappointed he wasn't there.

“Yeah, he’s on his way. He missed the metro, so he was waiting for the next one.”

“Okay. Good, cool.” You rejoined the budding group and let yourself be passed around the group for hugs and birthday wishes, anxiously waiting for when Spencer would walk in.

“Birds. Come on. I picked a song for us to do.” Avery grabbed you by the hand and pulling.

“Oh no. No no. I’m not singing.” You tried to put your feet down but the heels she had forced you to wear had no traction and she easily pulled you over to the stage. 

“Please. You promised I could pick your birthday celebration activities.” She pouted.

“Fine. But just one.” You relented, knowing she wouldn't let it go until she got her way. 

Avery gleefully clapped and you let her pull you up onto the stage

A familiar tune started playing and you rolled you eyes. Mine, by Taylor Swift, your sister’s favourite song to sing. 

You let yourself enjoy the moment and sang your heart out along with your sister to a thunderous applause from your team.

“How did we not know you sang so beautifully??” JJ smiled once you bowed and rejoined the group.

“Why do you think we call her Birdie?”Avery threw her arms around you again, putting a wet kiss on your cheek. “Sings like a bird.”

“I need a drink.” You groaned, your face flushed from the excitement and embarrassment. You didn't love being the centre of attention like Avery did and knew you would need a few drinks to make it through the night. 

“Here.” Rossi handed you his card, “Start us a tab and grab Reid. He knows what to get us all.”

“Spencer’s here?” You looked around you him, not seeing him anywhere. 

“Yeah, I saw him over there.” Luke pointed him out and your heart leapt. 

“I'm coming too.” Avery linked her arm into yours. “I need to met the famous Spencer.” She said into your ear.

“What?”

“Mom said you talk about him all the time.”

“I do not.” Your cheeks warmed again. “Please. Don't be weird.”

Avery faked a shocked look. “How dare you, I would never.”

You rolled your eyes but let her join you as you cut through the dance floor. 

“Spence.” You raised your voice to be heard over the singing. “You came.”

“Of course I came.” He smiled and wrapped his arms around you in a hug. “I wouldn't miss your birthday party.”

“I know this isn't really your thing.” 

“I'm not opposed to a karaoke bar, especially when I have good company.”

Avery cleared her throat loudly and gave you a pointed look, “Oh. Right. Spencer this is my sister Avery.”

Avery held out her hand, “I orchestrated this with Penelope.” You were surprised when he took her hand and shook it.

“It's very nice to meet you, Avery.”

“You too.” She looked over at you and raised her eyebrows and fanned herself with her hand. 

“Avery.” You looked at Spencer who hadn't seemed to notice, “Spence, come with me, Rossi wants us to start a tab. Avery, go back to the table.” She started to protest until you gave her the look. 

You took Spencer's hand and lead him over to the bar and waited while he ordered everyone usual drinks. “And the lady will have a gin and tonic with some simple syrup and lots of lemon.” He finished, looking at you to see if he was right.

“Very impressive.” You leaned against the bar top and looked back over at the group. Avery and Garcia were singing, having the time of their lives. 

“So. That's your sister.”

“Sure is.”

He laughed, “I like her. But you're a better singer.”

“No. You were here? You heard that?” You were sure by now you looked like a tomato.

“Y/N. You sing all the time in the car, sometime I don't think you even notice you're doing it. That song was, a little on the nose maybe?”

“How do you mean?”

“A careless man’s careful daughter?” He raised him eyebrow. You'd never thought of the words before, but realized it did sort of fit.

“Avery picked it, you shouldn't put too much thought into anything she does, because I doubt she does.” The drinks were ready and between the two of you, you managed to get them back to the table.

“Kid. Glad to see you made it.” Rossi said as the team cheer for their drinks.

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Spencer. Thank god you're here. Come dance with me.” Garcia stumbled back to the table with Avery. “And I expect to see all of you on the dance floor.” Garcia pointed at all of you before pulled Spencer away.

“You heard the boss.”Luke laughed and the group made their way to the dance floor 

“Are you mad at me?” Avery grabbed onto you.

“Did you have a tequila shot.” You gasped at her breath.

“Just two with Penelope.” She grabbed your face, “You didn't answer. Are you mad at me?”

You sighed and patted her hair down. “No Avery. I'm not mad at you.” 

She smiled and pulled you in for another hug and you let your body loosen and not tense up. “Oh my god. They came.” She quickly let go of you and ran over to a group of girls you knew.

“Jess. Kate. Hi.” You said feigning happiness to see them. They were your sisters friends and you’d never been particularly fond of them.

“Y/N. Who was the gorgeous man you were talking to at the bar, and please tell me you're sleeping with him.” Jess said between cheek kisses. 

“Spencer? No. We’re not, no.” You stammered. 

“So he’s available?” She looked over at him now twirling Prentiss around.

“Well. I don’t know about that. We have a weird work schedule so I don't know if he’s looking to date or anything.”

“Who said anything about dating? God. The things I’d let him do.” She sighed, checking him out.

“Right. I’m going to go over there now. Thanks for coming.” You couldn’t get away from her fast enough. You hated the idea of Jess getting her claws into Spencer. 

“There she is! There's my favourite birthday girl.” Garcia wrapped her arms around you and you were sure you’d been hugged more tonight then you'd been hugged in the past five years, but you didn't hate it nearly as much as you thought you would. “You haven't danced with everyone yet. BAU birthday rules, everyone has to dance with the birthday girl.”

“I don't think that's a real rule.” You started but were dragged out to the dance floor yet again. It felt like forever until it was Spencer's turn, and you were in his arms dancing with him. It had just so happened it was a slow song and you let him hold you close.

“Very unlike you to miss the metro.” You looked up at him. He was annoyingly punctual. 

“I forgot something and I thought I had enough time to run back.”

“What’d you forget, your right foot because it seems like you're all left feet.” You teased making him laugh.

“I forgot your birthday present.”

“You got me a present?”

“Kind of.”

“You didn't have to get me a present.”

“I know, but I wanted to.” He pulled you a little closer and you rested your cheek against his chest.” The song ended too soon and you and Spencer separated, his hand holding onto yours a moment longer. 

“Y/N, you and me, on stage now.” Tara pulled you away from Spencer. You sang some Joan Jett with her, having the most fun you’d have in years when you looked out into the dance floor searching from Spencer's face. You didn't see him until the song ended and your heart dropped as you watched him walk out the front door with Jess, her arm looped into his. 

You got off the stage and you excused yourself, saying that you needed some air and reassuring them you’d be right back, promising to sing something with Avery and Garcia when you got back.

You walked out the door and looked around. You hated the feeling in your stomach, you felt like you’d be sick.

“Y/N?” Spencer’s voice said from behind you.

“Spence!” Instant relief flooded you. “I thought you left.”

“Why would I leave?”

“I thought maybe you’d left with Jess.” You said quietly, dropping your eyes. You knew you had no right to be jealous. Spencer wasn't your boyfriend, he was just your friend and if he wanted to leave a bar with a woman, it wasn't your business.

“She asked me to help her get a cab.”

“That’s all she asked?”

He sighed, “No.”

“You should've, if you wanted.” You could fill in the blanks. Jess was gorgeous and once she had her sights set on a man, she was hard to resist.

Spencer stepped closer to you, gently brushing your hair back. “She's not really my type.” He said softly resting his hand on your shoulder. “You look stunning tonight.” His eyes roamed up and down your body, and all you wanted was for him to touch you. 

“Why don’t you give me my present now?” You took half a step back, grasping for any distraction, anything to stop you from pulling him to you. 

“It's nothing really.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an envelope. He seemed a little shy now as you opened it.

“Is this you?” You looked at the picture in you hand, he nodded and you laughed. It was Spencer as a child. His face was painted and he was dressed as a clown. “I love this.” You held it to your chest. “I’m putting this on my fridge when I get home.”

Spencer beamed with pride at your reaction. “It reminded me of our talk. About being who you want to be.” 

“I love it.” You said softly. 

He closed the gap between you two again, and gently took your face in his hands

“Everyone's right inside.” You whispered, the sensible part of you knew this was dangerous and screamed at you to stop him, but the alcohol emboldened you, and you didn't want him to stop. 

“I don’t care.” He pulled you the rest of the way to him, and softly brushed his lips against yours.

It couldn't have been more then a few second when you heard Avery’s voice calling your name and you quickly snapped out of it, pushing Spencer away.

“Am I interrupting something?” Avery said in a sing songy voice.

“No.” Both you and Spencer said at the same time, your face burning at having been caught. 

“Hmm. Luke was looking for you Spencer.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a makeup wipe and handed it to him, “You should probably wipe Y/N’s lipstick off your face first.”

He gave you an apologetic look before going back in, leaving you with Avery. 

“I knew you were sleeping with him.” She wagged her finger at you. “The second I saw him look at you, I knew.”

“I’m not, we’re just friends.” Your voice betrayed you by going high as you tried to deny it.

“Are you seriously going to stand there and lie to my face? You guys were totally just making out. I was watching the two of you all night, friends don't look at each other like that. ”

“Jesus Avery. Could you please just keep your voice down.” You covered her mouth with your hand and she licked you. “Gross, what are you, five?” You wiped your hand on the skirt.

“I knew you liked him.” She repeated while you squeezed the bridge of your nose and tightly closed your eyes. The alcohol in your blood was making it hard to think of an excuse, any excuse for why your lips had been locked with his. “I need details.”

“It was just one time. And almost a second. And I don’t know. It's just complicated.” You finally said with a sigh. This line of questioning made you uncomfortable, but it nice to finally get it off your chest. 

“What's complicated? You like him, he likes you. Seems pretty uncomplicated to me.”

“We work together.”

“So?”

“Fraternization within teams isn't allow.”

“Frown upon or isn't allowed.”

“Is not allowed.”

“Hmm. You could join a new team?” Avery suggested. “Oh, or there's that job-”

“If you say at the pentagon, I swear to God Avery.” She laughed at that and silence fell between you.

“What are you going to do?” She asked finally. 

“I don’t know.”

“Can I offer my two cents?” You didn't say no, so she carried on, “I can't remember the last time I’ve seen you so happy and having fun, and I’d almost forgotten what it sounded like when you laughed. And if he’s the reason you're happy, I kind of feel like it's a no brainer.” She shrugged. 

“I don't know, it's not that simple.” 

“Something to think about. Anyway, we should get back in there. Our adoring fans are expecting an encore.” Avery held her hand out to you.

“Hey, Avery. You can’t tell any anyone. We could get in a lot of trouble. ”

“Don't worry, I won't say anything.” She smiled at you and you took her hand. “As long as you make those lemon ricotta pancakes in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the parts I've been excited to write!


	12. There seemed to be something tragic in a friendship so colouted by romance

“She was asking for it.” 

“What did you just say.” You turned, your blood boiling. 

“She wanted it.” The unsub snarled, licking his lips while Luke handcuffed him.

You lunged at him, your fists already balled but Spencer put himself between you and the unsub. “She’s fifteen.” You struggled to get past Spencer, but he wouldn't let you, his hand wrapping around your wrist.

“He’s not worth a suspension.” Spencer told you, pulling you back. His eyes were pleading with you to calm down, but you couldn't. Knowing what you knew about the unsub filled you with such rage that your body shook. “Please, Y/N.”

“Okay. I’m fine. You can let go.” The second he loosened his grip you lunged forward again. Spencer knew you well enough to expect that and grabbed you around the waist, this time physically removing you from the scene.

“You should keep that bitch on a leash.” He shouted as Spencer half carried half dragged you over the the other SUV. 

“Hey. Hey. Look at me.” He said holding your shoulders, blocking your view of Luke putting the unsub into the cruiser. “Take some deep breathes.” 

“How are you not this angry.”

“I am angry, but it doesn't help the case if you're like this. You need to calm down.”

“She's just a kid.” Your voice cracked and you looked up at Spencer while a fat tear slipped down your cheek that you angrily wiped away. 

“I know. You don't think I want to hit him?. I want to rip him apart too, but we can’t. The only way we can help is make sure that he’s going to go away for a long time. So no punching.” He held his pinky out to you.

You looped your finger in his, “Fine. No punching.” You replied. 

Despite your promise to not punch, you’d been kept away from the unsub, for his safety, Luke could attest to the force behind your right hook. 

Back on the plane the tone was bittersweet, like it always was after these difficult cases.

“So. How was the big date?” Tara asked, the entire team’s attention on you. Well, not the whole team. Spencer was sitting alone, and had his nose in a book, but you could tell he wasn't reading it, instead was listening.

“Fine.” You didn't offer much. There wasn't much to offer. The team had decided to take it upon themselves to try to set you up on dates with various people they knew, and you had run out of excuses to say no when Luke had suggested an old army buddy. 

He had been perfectly fine. Polite. Courteous. Respectful. The issue was that the date had just been fine. There hadn't been a moment on the date that you had found stood out particularly. 

“Just fine?” Rossi pried. 

“Yes. Just fine.”

“So Luke's guy was a dud? Because you know, Will’s partner is pretty great.” JJ started. You toned her out and looked back over to Spencer. He still hadn't turned the page and he looked pensive.

You grabbed your drink and stood. “I'm going to go to the quiet section of the plane where people don't ask intrusive questions about my love life.”

“Or lack there of it would seem.” Emily teased. 

You rolled your eyes and went over to where Spencer was sitting and gestured to the open seat next to him. “Mind if I sit?”

He smiled and shook his head, “Hiding out?” He asked, closing his book and setting it to the side.

“Have they always been this nosy?”

“Unfortunately yes.” 

“Hmm.” You looked at the stack of books Spencer had sitting next to him. “Some light reading?”

“Just doing some review for the seminars.”

“Oh. Right.” You hated when he left to teach the seminars. You understood that it was mandated as a way to force him to take some time out of the field, but you missed him when he wasn't there. You always wondered and secretly hoped he missed you too.

Things had been a little strange between the two of you since your birthday party when he’d kissed you, so un afraid of the consequences and you’d never discussed the kiss, but it lingered there like a big pink elephant in the room. 

“So. A date? With Luke's friend?” He asked softly and your cheeks went aflame.

“Yeah. I figured I couldn’t keep turning them all down.”

“What did you do on this date?”

“He took me to a baseball game. But if there's one thing I hate most in this world...”

“It’s baseball.” He said at the same time as you. “So there won't be a second date?” He added.

You shook your head, “I don't think so. There just wasn't that spark, you know?” 

“I was reading an interesting study about romantic sparks.”

“Oh?”

“It typically consists of three things. Easy flow of conversation, ability to make the other person laugh and how quickly you feel at ease around them.” He listed. 

“He was a little a serious.” You whispered so Luke wouldn't overhear, and Spencer chuckled. “He also didn't order any dessert after dinner. Can you imagine, no dessert?”

“I can't imagine.”Spencer looked as if there was something else he wanted to say, but he didn't, he just looked back over at his books.

“I should probably let you get back to your books.”

“It’s alright if you want to stay, I have the whole weekend to review.”

“No, I really should get some sleep. I’m pretty beat.”

“Understandable. It’s been an emotionally staining day.” He looked at you with such understanding, that was one of the things you liked most about Spencer. He never judged you when you had a bad day or when your temper flared, and he always seemed to know the right thing to say.

“I never thanked you. For not letting me punch that guy. A bruised fist before this weekend is the last thing I need.”

“What's happening this weekend? Another date?”

“No.” You rolled your eyes, “My dad’s in town. Avery and I are supposed to have dinner with him tomorrow. Does it make me a bad person that I want to get called in tomorrow?”

“We could spend the day together tomorrow.” He paused, gauging your response. “If you wanted to. You could tell him it's a work thing.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You make it sound like spending time with you would inconvenience me, I like spending time with you.”

“I just mean that you probably already have plans.”

He shrugged and shook his head. “I could probably reschedule that rave I was planning on attending.” He said with a compete straight face, before cracking a huge smile. 

“You're a smart ass, you know that?” You bit your lip, “What did you have in mind for tomorrow?”

“It's a surprise.”

The nagging sense that this was a bad idea was forming in the pit of your stomach but you pushed it away and smiled. “I'm in.”

**

You went through three different outfits before settling on the blue dress you loved but never got to wear. Spencer had refused to tell you what you’d be doing today but said he’d be by to pick you up at noon. As the clocked ticked closer and closer to noon, you got more and more nervous. It wasn't a date, you kept reminding yourself, but the idea of spending the day with Spencer gave you butterflies that you just couldn't shake.

You watched from the window and as the clock struck noon he pulled, punctual as always. You started to lock up, expecting him to wait in his car but he was walking up your front step. When he looked at you, you were glad you’d settled on the dress.

“Wow. You look, wow.”

“You look pretty wow yourself.” He was dressed like he normally dressed, some nice slacks, a button down with a tie, and today he had on a cozy looking knit sweater. 

“Here. These are for you.” He presented you with a bouquet of daisies. “A lady was selling them on the street by my place and last time I was here you had some on your table, so I guessed that you liked them.” His cheeks growing pink. 

“Thank you.” You opened your door and set them on the entrance table before locking up again. “Very sweet of you.” You blushed, unable to remember the last time you’d been bought flowers. 

“You're very welcome.” He led you to his car and got the door for you before scurrying to his side and getting in.

“So, will you tell me what we’re doing today?”

“I have a bunch of things planned for us.”

“And they are?” You pried but he just shook his head.

“Surprise. But I can give you a hint, it's not a baseball game.”

You drove a little while to an area you were unfamiliar with, guessing the entire time where you were headed until you finally pulled up in front of an old run down building.

“Hmm.” You turned to look over at Spencer, “How many times have I advised young women to not go into creepy old building with men, no matter how cute they are?” You teased him.

“It's a museum.”

“Oh is it?”

“It's a pop up exhibition about old Hollywood. I thought that since you liked movies so much, this might interest you.” He got out of the car and ran around to get the door for you again.

“You don't have to keep getting the door for me, I am a big strong girl you know.”

“A gentleman always gets the door.” You rolled your eyes but secretly loved it. 

At the door despite your protests, Spencer paid for you both to get in. While he chatted with the young man at the ticket booth you skimmed through the pamphlet to see what kind of things they had on display.

“Spence.” You grabbed his forearm “They're playing Laura at two thirty!” You showed him, “Have you ever seen it?” You asked.

Spencer shook his head, “I haven't. I was hoping you’d want to stay and watch it.”

“Can we? That was one of my grandma’s favourites. She thought Dana Andrews was dreamy.”

“I allotted time for us to stay, our next activity doesn't start until five.”

“Our next activity being….” You trailed off, hoping he’d fill in the blanks but he remained tight lipped. “Fine. Don't tell me. I love surprises.”

“No you don't.” He laughed.

“You're right, I don't.”

“We’re going to have to work on that.”

You wandered around the exhibit together, listening happily as Spencer told you facts the whole time, and offering your own facts every now and then. 

“Sorry.” Spencer said at one point.

“For what?”

“I've been told it's annoying when I do that.”

“You could never annoy me.” You assured him, his eyes softening. “I mean, are you a huge dork? Yes, but I think that’s one of my favourite things about you. The dork in me appreciates the dork in you.” 

You finished the tour and after the movie you got back into Spencer’s car. 

“How’d you find out about this place?” You asked.

“I did some research.” He said simply. “Are you hungry? Are you alright with an early dinner.”

Now that he mentioned it, you were. You’d shared some popcorn during the movie, the way your hands bumped together in the bag reminded you of awkward movie dates you’d gone on when you were younger, but with Spencer there was no awkwardness when your fingers touched, just soft chuckles.

“I'm starving. But, promise me right now that I get to pay for what ever we eat.”

“I’ll agree to that. But, I pay for dessert.”

You agreed on Indian food and shared a bunch of different dishes while chatting happily. It was so easy for you to talk to Spencer. He understood you in a way that no one else ever seemed to, and you liked that. You couldn't think of the last person outside your family that you’d been so comfortable with. 

Spencer checked his watch for what seemed like the thousandth time, “Got a hot date that you're late for?” You teased.

“No, Just making sure we’re alright for time.”

“Where to now?” You asked after you’d paid. You started to get into his car but stopped when you noticed him open the trunk and pull out a folded blanket.

“We’re actually going to walk to the next activity, but we need to make one quick stop first.”

You walked a few blocked over and stopped outside a bakery and Spencer made you wait outside while he ran in. He came back out with a picnic basket but refused to let you look inside.

You were starting to recognize the area of town you were in and it dawned on you as you saw the crowd of people congregating.

“It's Saturday.” You finally realized where you were going. “They play concerts in the park.”

“I hope that's okay.

“Spence. That's fantastic. I’ve wanted to come, but I felt a little silly coming alone.” 

He took your hand as you joined the crowd, leading you through until you found a good place to lay out the blanket. 

“Are you cold?” He asked looking up at you while he unpacked the basket.

“A little. I’ll be okay.”

“Here.” He shrugged his sweater off and handed it to you.

“Won't you be cold.”

“I’ve got long sleeves, I’ll be fine.” He didn't need to tell you twice. You slipped it on, instantly warmed by his left over body heat and engulfed in his familiar smell.

You looked at the spread from the basket and your mouth dropped, “Spencer.” Was all you were able to say. 

“I know you have a sweet tooth. Garcia suggested all these. She’s friends with the owner and she asked her to make up a basket for me.”

“You told Garcia?” Your heart skipped. It was one thing that your sister knew about whatever this way with Spencer, but Garcia couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. 

“No, I told her I was going on a date.” He said softly, looking down at the desserts. 

“Hey.” You put your hand on his, “Us hanging out today has been better then any date I’ve ever been on. I very much appreciate all the effort you put in to make today special. But like Jesus Spencer, this is so much dessert.”

While the music played you allowed yourself to pretend that this was a real date. You scooted close to Spencer and rested your head against his shoulder and when he rested hand on your bare thigh instead of pushing it away you let him leave it there, comforted by the slow circles his thumb traced on your skin. 

After the concert ended and you’d walked back to his car hand in hand, you watched him drive, wondering how much damage one more night together could truly cause. 

The second he parked his car in front of your place, you reached over and grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him to you in a frenzied kiss. He seemed surprised, but kissed you back, tangling his fingers into your hair.

“Wait. I wanted to talk to you about something.” He pulled away.

“Can it wait?” You gasped.

“No.” He laughed softly, tenderly brushing a strand of your hair back. “I'm going to put in a request to teach full time.”

“What?” You pulled back from him, “You want to leave the BAU?”

“Yeah, I've been thinking about it.”

“Why? Since when?” There were so many questions racing through your mind that you felt like you couldn't think straight, “You can’t leave the team.”

“I mean, I don't want to leave the team, I just…” He trailed off.

“You just what?” He didn't say anything, just looked at you with those big brown puppy dog eyes and you understood. “No, Spencer. You can’t leave the team because of me.”

“It wouldn't be for you, it’d be for us.”  
Your heart started pounding hard in your chest and your palms got sweaty. “Us? Spencer, there is no us. We’re just friends, remember. We promised, just friends.”

“Look. I know you're scared, I'm scared too but, you seriously can't tell me you don't have feelings for me.”

“I don't.” You felt like you were going to be sick, and your eyes were getting watery.

“You said that you wished things could be different, and they can be.”

“I didn't mean it Spencer.” The second those words left your lips you wished you could have taken them back. The look on his face made you want to apologize, but you doubled down. “Look, Spence. I'm sorry if any point I lead you to believe that I had feelings for you, but I didn't mean it. I was upset because I fought with my dad and you were here, and you were looking at me like I was someone worth looking at, and I got swept up in the moment. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you.”

“I see.” He looked at the steering wheel and didn't say anything.

“Spence. You have to believe me when I say that your friendship is the most important thing to me. Please. Please, isn't it enough for us to just be friends?”

“I don’t know.” He said softly, so much sadness in his voice.

“Please? We promised to stay friends.” Your voice broke. 

“I think I just need some time.” He pinched the bridge if his nose, still not looking at you. “Time away from you.”

“Spence.” You tried to think of something, anything to say. 

“Y/N. Please just get out of my car.” 

You got out and he drove away as soon as you shut the door, leaving you on the sidewalk to think about what you’d just done. You wiped the tears that were freely flowing down your cheeks.

“You bitch. You skipped dinner with dad to hang out with Spencer and didn't invited me?” Avery said from behind you. “Oh my god. Y/N. Are you alright?” She gasped when she noticed you were crying.

“I don't think so.”

She wrapped her arms around you and you sobbed loudly while she held you, stroking your hair while you wondered if you had just made the biggest mistake of your life.


	13. I'm hungry and hollow and just want someone to call my own.

"Earth to Y/N” JJ said, you’d been aware that she was speaking but hadn’t been listening and had clearly missed a question.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I said, Spence hasn't mentioned anything that might be bothering him to you, has he?”

“Nope. Hasn't said a word.” Not technically a lie. Spencer hadn't said a word to you in two weeks, not that you really could blame him. You’d been unnecessarily harsh with him. You weren't even sure if you’d really meant what you’d said. It had been hard to see him all week knowing that you’d hurt his feelings. 

JJ sighed. “I’d hoped he said something to you at least. He won't tell me anything, and you two are so close, I just, I worry about him. He gets like this and it scares me. After Maeve died he shut us all out and didn't let us help him.”

You’d heard about Maeve thanks to Garcia. The love of Spencer's life. A brilliant geneticist he'd reached out to for help with a health issue, communicating with her only over the phone and through letter while she was in hiding from a stalker, only to be killed by said stalker right in front of Spencer the first time they laid eyes on each other.

“No. Sorry. He hasn't said anything.” The pit in your stomach that often formed when you thought about your conversation with Spencer had returned. It always came when you replayed his words over and over in your head, the implication behind his words had scared you. The fact that Spencer was so willing to completely upend his life so you could be together scared you. This team was his family, and he willing to leave them for you. 

You never should have let it this far. His heart had already been broken, and just when he was starting to be happy, you stomped all over it, breaking it once again. 

“If he tells you anything, you’ll let me know won't you.” 

“Of course.” You didn't offer anything else, part of you wanted to tell JJ. She was Spencer’s best friend, he was her children’s godfather. If anyone would understand it would be her. You trusted she wouldn't tell anyone, but it wasn't fair for you to pull anyone else into your mess.

“Shots fired, shots fired. Agent down at Seventeenth and Fort. Send medical.” An unfamiliar voice said over the scanner.

“Spence and Dave were headed there.” JJ whispered. She pulled out her phone while you turned the SUV around. You could hear the blood pounding in your ears while JJ tried Spencer and Dave over and over again with no answer. “No answer again. I’m going to try Garcia. Can you drive any faster?”

You laid into the horn and had the lights flashing so that people would get out of the way. When you made it on scene it was absolute chaos. No one old give you and JJ a straight answer as to who had been shot and the condition they were in, and neither you nor JJ could still get Dave or Spencer on the phone, but an office had told you which hospital the ambulance had gone to.

“JJ? Y/N?” Rossi jumped up from his seat in the waiting room and hugged JJ.

“Spence?” JJ asked, on the verge of tears. You felt like you couldn't breathe while you waited for Rossi’s answer.

“He’s alright. Needs some stitches but he’ll be alright.”

“The agent that was down?”

“He pushed Spencer out of the way, took two to the chest.”

“Is he…” 

“He’s in surgery. He's not in a good way.”

The weight you’d felt was lifted. Rossi left to call Emily and JJ went to see Spencer, leaving you with your thoughts. You wandered around the floor, looking for somewhere quiet to sit while you waited for them. You needed somewhere to collect your thoughts. 

“Are you an FBI agent?” The only other person in the room asked when you’d sat down.

“Yes, Ma’am.” She was an older woman, close in age to your mother if you had to guess.

“Where you there?” She asked, tears in her eyes.

“There?”

“My husband, my Stanley was shot.”

“Oh.” You moved over to the seat next to hers and she let you take her hand, “He’s an agent?”

“Thirty five years.” She smiled, a tear sliding down her cheek. 

“You husband saved my friends life.” You said softly.

“That’s Stanley.” She patted her eyes with a tissue. “Making sure everyone else is safe.”

“I’m Y/N.” You weren't sure what else you could offer.

“Martha.” 

“Martha, did you want me call anyone for you?”

“No dear, thank you. A nurse has already called my son. But would you sit me awhile?”

“Of course. How long have you and Stanley been married?”

“Forty two years.”

“Wow. What's your secret?”

“As silly as it sounds dear, just love each other. They say love is giving someone the power to hurt you but trusting that they won't. It's scary sometimes, but so worth it if it's the right person.”

“Hmm.”

“Are you married?”

“Oh, no.” You shook your head.

“But there's someone?”

“I don't think so. Not anymore. I said some pretty awful things and I hurt him.”

“Do you love him?”

You sighed, unsure what to say. You had thought the agent they were talking about was Spencer and in that moment you had thought he was dead and that you’d never get to speak to him again. Never make him smile again. Never touch him again. If he had been dead you were sure you would never feel happiness again.

You never got a chance to answer Martha's question. The doctor and Martha’s son had come into the waiting room, so you had excused yourself. From down the hall you heard Martha’s heart breaking sobs as the doctor told her that her husband had died, and you shed your own tears for Martha. 

Rossi was the one who found you in the chapel, a blubbering mess.

“Let’s go home.” He said softly, putting his coat over your shoulders. You went down to the SUV where JJ and Spencer were waiting, unable to look at Spencer, afraid you'd cry all over again.

It was a quiet ride to the jet and an even quieter flight home. No one was in the mood to laugh and play cards. Not today. Just silent contemplation. The flight home all you thought about was Martha and her cries of anguish, and Spencer and how you truly felt about him. 

By the time you’d all made it back to Quantico you’d made your decision. Everyone was packing up to head home but you lingered, waiting until the bullpen was cleared before heading to Emily’s office.

“Emily? I need to talk to you about an urgent matter.”

**

You felt strangely giddy after your chat with Emily, and oddly optimistic. You were sure in your decision.

You had asked for her to approve a transfer for you. Counterterrorism had been trying to get you for years, and when you had called to see if the offer was still standing, the unit chief had been overjoyed, gladly offering you the job. Emily on the other hand had seemed disappointed. She had tried to convince you to stay, but you told her you couldn't. You made her promise not to say anything to the others lest they also try to convince you to stay, and in return you promised her that you would explain everything at some point.

After you’d left campus you’d driven straight to Spencer's. You needed to see him. Needed to tell him.

You practically ran up the stairs and stood in front of his door, a bundle of excited nerves, and knocked.

It took about a minute, but opened the door with a confused look on his face. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Can it wait? It’s not really a good time.”

“It’s kind of important.”

“Spence?” A familiar voice called from inside, Jess joining him at the door. “Oh, Y/N. So nice to see you.”

“Jess?” You looked at Spencer, who wouldn't meet your eye and back to Jess. “What are you doing here?”

“Spencer invited me. What are you doing here?”

“Nothing. It's not important.” Your face flushed with embarrassment. “I need to go. Good night.” You left before either of them could say anything else. 

Once outside you gasped for air, it felt like you’d been kicked in the chest. Whatever this feeling was, you hated it.

“Y/N.” Spencer called after you.

“Jess?” You snapped at him. “Really Spencer?”

“We actually have a lot in common.”

“Oh, like what? That you both want her to blow you?” You turned to leave but he caught you by the wrist.

“Are you seriously mad at me right now?” 

“Let me go Spencer.” You said through gritted teeth

“You have no right to an opinion on who I choose to sleep with, not anymore. You didn't want me, remeber, you’ve made that abundantly clear. Did you just expect me to sit around and wait, hoping that one day you might change your mind and that you'd choose me? No. I'm tired of waiting. I’m done Y/N.”

“Let. Go.” He let your wrist go and took a step back. 

“Go home Y/N. I’m done with whatever this is.” He turned and left you once again all alone of the sidewalk. 

You made it to your car before you completely lost it. Hands shaking you pulled out your phone and dialled Avery's number.

“Y/N. It's midnight. Is everything alright?”

“I think I'm having a heart attached.” You gasped.

“What happened?” You filled her in as best you could between breathes, “Ok. Here’s what you're going to do. Come to my place. I have wine and ice cream. You're going to sleep over and you're going to cry and we’re going to get you through this.”

“He hates me.” Your voice trembled. “I ruined everything.”

“Just come over, okay?”

You hung up and wiped your tears. All you needed was to get through the next two weeks. After that you'd transfer and Spencer would hopefully become just a painful memory.


	14. I don't know anything with certainty, but seeing the stars makes me dream

You couldn't believe that you let Garcia convince you to come tonight. You had originally planned on coming, if the team was in town, but after everything that had happened the week before with Spencer, you didn't think Anderson’s wedding was really where you wanted to be. Especially one that had you seated next to Spencer at dinner. It was hard enough seeing him at work but having to socialize with him right now hurt more then you could have ever imagined.

You had indulged Garcia, letting her pick your outfit and doing your hair. Other then Spencer she was the only other team member you’d allowed to come over, and let her rummage through your closet for something for you to wear. You almost cried when she held up that damned blue dress you’d worn that day with Spencer but luckily she’d spotted one she’d liked better. A dark green lace dress you hadn't worn in years. 

So now you sat alone at the table in your pretty green dress watching the people you'd gone to care so much for laugh and dance. Emily had kept her word and hadn't said anything to them, which you’d been grateful for, and somehow Garcia hadn’t flagged it. You’d said goodbye to many teams in your years with the bureau, but you sensed that this was going those the hardest set of goodbyes. Besides your time undercover, the BAU was the team you’d been with the longest, and you were going to miss seeing then all every day.

“Uh oh. I know that look.” Rossi took a seat next to you, handing you a drink.

“What look?” 

“You’re leaving, aren't you? He asked.

“The wedding? No I was planning on sticking around for awhile.” You sipped at your drink, amaretto over ice, something you only ever drank with Rossi.

“Don’t be smart. You know what I mean. I've seen that look on many agents.” You didn't bother denying it, and just took another sip. “When do you leave?”

“Next week is going to be my last.” 

“Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay.”

“No, my minds made up.”

He held out his hand to you and you shook it, “Well kiddo, in that case, it's been an honour to work with you.”

“You too.” Working with David Rossi had been one of the highlights of your career. “Dave, please don't say anything to anyone else.”

“My lips are sealed.” He patted you on the cheek and took his drink, leaving you to your contemplation. 

“Hey Miss-No-Fun, why aren't you dancing with us?”Garcia flopped onto the seat next to you. 

“I'm just tired.” 

“The cure for tiredness is dancing, so please come dance with us.”

“I don't believe you’ve ever gone to medical school.” You groaned but let her pull you onto the dance floor like she had so long ago at your birthday party.

“Look who it is.” Garcia announced to the cheers of your team, except of course Spencer who didn't say anything and instead had dropped his eyes.

You danced with the team to all the classic wedding party songs pretending that it wasn't killing you to be so close to Spencer.

The music slowed down to a soft country songs, Faith Hill’s ‘If I'm not in love with you’ playing as people coupled up. You started to make your way off the dance floor, wanting to clear out for the pairs but Garcia stopped you.

“Where do you think you’re going.” She hissed playfully as Luke twirled her around. 

“I don't anyone to dance with so I was just going to go sit.”

“No no. You're way to young and beautiful to be a wall flower.” She turned and snapped her fingers at Spencer, “You two dance together.”

“Garcia.” Spencer started but Garcia cut him off.

“You misunderstand Dr. Reid. That was not a question.”

Spencer looked as if he might argue, but simply sighed. He came over to you and took your hand in one of his and rested the other so softly on your waist. He didn't pull you in close like last time.

Slowly you swayed, not speaking and hardly looking at each other as the words of the song played clearly, almost as if they were playing just for you. Spencer caught your eye and held your gaze while the last few lines of the song played and all you felt was sadness.

“Excuse me.” You said softly as the song ended, pulling away from him. You went outside needing the cold night air to cool your warmed face.

“Y/N?” Luke called, following you outside after a few moments. “Are you alright?”

“I'm fine.” You smiled. “You didn't have to come out after me.”

“Garcia insisted.”

“I promise I'm alright. I just tired. I think I'm going to get an Uber and just head home.”

“Spence was leaving, I’m sure he’d drop you off on his way.”

“Oh, no that's not necessary.”

“I'm sure he won't mind. Come on.” Luke grabbed your arm and dragged you inside to where Spencer was saying goodnight to the team.

“Spence, will you drop Y/N off at home?” Luke asked.

“No. You can't leave too.” Garcia pouted.

“Yeah.” Spencer said softly. “I can take you home.” 

You said your own goodbyes and followed Spencer out into the night. 

“You don’t have to take me home. Really, I could just get an Uber.”

“It's fine.” He didn't say anything else, so you silently followed him.

The silence continued while he drove you home. Flashes of the last time you’d been with him in his car reminding you of how happy you’d been, but it also reminded you of how stupid you’d been. 

He pulled to a stop in front of your place.

“Thank you.” You opened the door, ready to take off this dress and put his shirt on and mope in bed.

“Wait.” He said. “Why did you come?”

“Tonight? Garcia made me.”

“No. Why'd you come to my place last week.” He looked over at you. Other then your dance earlier that night, this is the first time Spencer had really looked at you all week. 

“Oh.” You closed the door and settled back into your seat, looking down at your hands trying to figure out what wanted to say. “I'm transferring.”

“You’re leaving?”

“I’m going to counterterrorism.”

“Out of which field office.” He asked now looking at the steering wheel.

“Here. I'm moving up to the eighth floor.” He looked back over at you, his eyes glassy as he took in the information. “I, uh, I thought you had died last week, when that call came over the scanner I was so scared that I’d never get to tell you…” You trailed of, a tear slipping down you cheek. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest and your palms had gotten sweaty. You dropped your eyes to your hands again. “When we got back I asked Emily to approve my transfer, but then Jess was here, so.”

“Tell me what?” He whispered.

“I think I’m in love with you.” Your cheeks were ablaze. You snuck a peek over at him and he had returned to looking at the steering wheel, a pensive look on his face, you sighed and continued,“And I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I’ve never said that before to anyone who wasn’t related to me, and it scared me that I felt this way about you because I’ve never felt this way before. But it doesn't really matter now, and at the transfer we don't have to be around each other all the time.”

“I didn't sleep with Jess.” He said softly and looked over at you.

“You didn't?”

He shook his head. “I was mad at you, and hurt. I knew how you felt about Jess so I called her, because she seemed like the type who would throw it in your face and I wanted you to be jealous, and God that makes me sound childish and petty and like the biggest asshole, but you make me crazy.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “After Maeve died I thought that was it for me, my one great love, and I’d accepted that, then you joined the team and on your first case you beat me at poker and since then I’ve been falling more and more in love with you every day.”

“So where does this leave us?”

“As two idiots in love with each other.” He laughed and took your hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. 

“Did you want to come in?”

“Not tonight. I’d like to take this slow, if that's alright with you. And, technically we still work together until you officially transfer.”

“You're right.”

“But maybe we could get brunch tomorrow and talk some more?”

“I promised Avery I'd get brunch with her, you could come?”

“No, get brunch with your sister.” He reached over and brushed some of your hair behind your ear, “Are you free for dinner?”

“I’m all yours.” This made him smile and your heart soared that it was directed at you. “Well, good night.” You bit your lip, your eyes flickering between his eyes and his lips.

Spencer leaned over and kissed you softly. “Good night.” He whispers, then kissed you again.

After a few more minutes of kissing, you got out of the car and ran up your front steps and wave at Spencer. He waved back then drove off.

You thought about calling Avery to tell her everything, but decided to wait until brunch, it would be more exciting to see her face when you told her. So you went about getting yourself ready for bed, washing off your makeup and tossing you hair up. 

You were finish making some tea when there was a knock at your door, and you smiled. 

“Couldn't wait until tomorrow. " You laughed as you swung open the door, and gasped, dropping your mug, it shattering at your feet.

“Y/N. Surprised to see me?” The familiar voice asked, making your blood run cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus concludes my 4 days weekend from work writing extravaganza. I'm hoping to write some more before the weekend, but with the 2 days off for the holiday there's going to be so much work to do in overtime, so fingers crossed! One of my New Years resolutions is going to be making more time for writing during the week instead of focusing so much on work. (Been having trouble with that work from home/ personal life balance.) and, starting Jan 1st, I'm restarting criminal minds, going to see if I can beat my watch through record of 1 month and 29 days.
> 
> Hope everyone had a nice Christmas and has a happy new year!
> 
> X


	15. Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift

Loud knocking woke Spencer the next morning. He groggily patted his bedside table for his phone to check the time and saw that he had seventeen missed calls from a number he didn't recognize. The phone started to ring again in his hand.

“Dr. Spencer Reid.” He crocked, feeling the ground for his robe before going out the living room. 

“Spencer? It's Avery.” 

“Avery. Can you hold on a second? There's someone at my door.” He pulled open the door to find Avery standing there. “Oh, you're here?” He hung up the phone and watched Avery invite herself in.

“Is she here?” 

“Who?”

“Y/N, you know, the only person we both care about? Is she here?”

“No. She said you guys were getting brunch.”

“You promise she isn't here and that this isn't some sick joke?”

“What are you talking about?”

“This.” She held out a big yellow envelope. “It was taped to her door. I went to pick her up and she didn't answer the door, and this was just there.”

Spencer took the unopened envelope and turned it over in his hands, “Attention Spencer Reid.” He read. “What is this?” He crossed the room to his desk, grabbing a letter opener.

“I don't know, there was a post it on it, it said to give it to you and that her life depends on it.” She watched over his shoulder while he sliced the side of the envelope and carefully pulled the papers out. “Oh my god.” Avery whispered while Spencer shuffled through. “What does this mean.”

“Avery, I’m going to get dressed. You call Garcia. Tell her I say to call the team in. I think somethings happened Y/N.”

**

“No one's explained to me what this means.” It was thirty five minutes later and the team, along with Avery had gathered in the meeting room. The contents of the envelope were laid out on the table. They were pictures of you from the past few months out doing various things. You at the grocery store. You running with Luke. You having coffee with Garcia and Avery, but most notably, many pictures of you and Spencer. “What does this mean.” Avery repeated, pointing at the picture of you and Spencer kissing taken outside the karaoke bar at your birthday party. Written on it in red marker ‘At least you got to kiss this one.’

“Maeve.”Spencer said softly. The same helplessness that he’d felt when Maeve had been taken was overtaking him. He knew what the message meant, and that's what scared him. 

“Who’s Maeve?” Avery asked. “Spencer. Who’s Maeve.” Her eyes were rimmed red and she looked so much younger then she really was. 

“Team, let's give them a moment, Spence, we’ll start figuring out a plan. Join us when you're ready.” Emily said, leading the team out. 

Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose and looked back at the pictures on the table. “Maeve was my girlfriend. She had a stalker and her stalker killed her in front of me. We hadn't kissed each other yet when she’d died.”

“Should I call my parents.” Some tears slid down Avery’s cheeks.

“I think you should.”

Spencer left Avery with a liaison agent, and rejoined the team, or whatever was left of the team. 

“Where is everyone.” He asked JJ

“Luke and Rossi went to Y/N’s house to see if there’s anything inside that can help us. Emily’s getting Cat Adam’s brought here and Tara’s been going through Cat’s visitor logs and mail with Garcia.” 

“Cat Adams? You think she's involved?” Spencer wasn't on his game today. He couldn't focus on anything, except for the fact that you wasn't here. 

“I think I'd be foolish of us to expect her to not be.” JJ reached over and took Spencer's hand in hers, “We’re going to find her.”

“What if we’re too late again.” His voice broke. 

“We’re going to find her.” She squeezed his hand.

“Guys. Luke and Rossi are at her place.” Garcia ran into the bullpen with her phone in her hand. 

“What do you see?”

“There was clearly a struggle here. It looks like she put up a good fight.” Luke’s voice came over the speaker. “There's some blood, not enough to be a fatal injury. The crime scene techs are getting a sample to see if it's hers.”

“How’d they get in?” Spencer asked. 

“Not sure. Doors and windows were all locked when we got here. Maybe she knew them and was expecting them?”

“I should have stayed.” Spencer said softly, shaking his head. “She invited me to stay, and I didn't even walk her to the door. I could've stopped this, could have protected her.”

“Or you could have been taken too, or worse. Spence, listen. She needs you and that genius brain right now.” Rossi said. “You need a clear head when you talk to Cat. She's going to want to play games with you.”

“I know.”

“Just stay smart kid." 

**

“Spencie. If I’d known we’d be seeing each other I’d have dressed up.” Cat smiled when Spencer went into the interrogation room.

“Where is she?”

“Ah, no foreplay.”

“Where is she Cat.”

“Who?”

“Y/n. Agent Y/N Y/L/N.”

“I don't know who that is.” He slammed his hands down on the table, and Cat smiled again, “There he is.” She looked him up and down, “ Y/N, that's the pretty little agent that went to visit you in prison, right? She was cute. You sweet on her?”

“What did you do to her.”

“I didn't do anything.”

“Bullshit. You got me locked up, took my mom and now you expect me to believe this isn't some other game.”

“Wild concept Spencie, but have you considered that not everything is about you?”

“What?”

“Not. Everything. Is. About. You. God, I thought you were smart. Did it ever occur to you that Agent Hottie had her own things going on? Things she didn't tell you about. She was undercover, wasn't she.”

“How do you know that?” He asked. “How do you know she came to see me in prison. How do you know anything about her.” Cat shrug and Spencer’s hand flinched.

“Thinking about it again? Putting your hands on my throat and hissing that you’ll kill me?” She bit her lip and brought her own fingers to her throat, gently stroking it. “I still think about it, your hands on me. Kinda hot, I get why she likes you.”

“How do you know she was undercover.”

“People talk in prison, you should know that. Let's just say that your little girlfriend made quite the impression.”

“With who?”

Cat smiled, “ I can't tell you that, it’ll spoil all the fun. I am allowed to give you a clue. If you want. But you have to ask nicely.”

Spencer left the room, needing air. He had so many thoughts racing through his head it was impossible to keep them straight. 

“Garcia. On her first day you said something about a hush hush operation for organized crime, how did you know that?”

“Her file just says organized crime. She didn't file any reports and her name doesn't show up in any documents that I can see, so I just filled in the blanks that it was hush hush.”

“I can put some pressure on the director, see if he can get us access.” Emily pulled out her phone. 

“And I can see if any of my connects know anything about her.” JJ added. 

“Any leads on Cat’s visitors in prison?”

Tara shook her head, “She hasn't had any visitors. It has to be someone else getting her information.”

“Any update on the pictures?” 

“Yes.” Garcia piped in, “ I've gotten camera footage from all the places where the pictures were taken and I'm going to run a program to look for over lapping license plates.”

“Rossi?” Spencer asked, noticing he was the only one missing. 

“He stayed behind at Y/N’s to see if there was anything we could have missed.” Luke replied. 

“Did you want me to take over with Cat?” Tara asked. 

“No. I know what I need to do.”

**

It was an address that Cat had given him after he had nicely asked. She had also told him she would give him another clue later, but only if he was clever enough with her first clue.

Spencer knew it wasn't going to be where you were. It was too easy. Emily had let him go along with Luke and JJ to the address that Cat had given, but it had taken some convincing on his part that he could keep himself from breaking.

They smelled it before they even breached the door, the smell of a decomposing body unmistakable. 

“I don't understand how this is a clue, there's nothing in this room.” JJ looked around the room while Luke studied the body on the ground.

“I’ve seen this man before.” Luke said.

“You have?” Spencer asked. 

“She met with him before we went to the prison, the day she convinced the warden to put you in protective custody.”

“I didn't know she’d done that.” Spencer looked at the man's face. “Who is he?”

“She didn't say.”

“Hey.” JJ called their attention. “A cell phone.” She opened it up. “There are only two numbers saved. Miss Scarlett and Miss Peacock.”

“He must have been her CI.” Spencer said, taking the phone from JJ. He redialled the last call, and it started to ring and ring and ring. Spencer was about to hang up when a familiar voice picked up.

“Hello?” Rossi said.

“Rossi?”

“Reid?” 

“How am I talking to you right now?”

“This phone was ringing in her bed side table.”

“What was the caller ID?”

“Plum?” Rossi replied. 

“Any other saved numbers?”

“Two. Mustard and Peacock.”

“I have a theory. We need to get these phones to Garcia.”

**

“Points to the brilliant Doctor Reid. There's a super top secret file I was able to find. Operation Hasbro. Everything about this operation is crazy. There's no agents named, no targets named. Everything is code named. But, based off our limited info we can assume that Y/N was code name Miss Scarlett. It looked like she had infiltrated a crime family, and they were all arrested, but that's all I’m seeing.”

“That's it?” Spencer asked. “That's no information. Can't you hack it?”

“Spencer, when I say there's no information you need to believe me, there's nothing.”

“We can explain that.” Emily said from the doorway, an agent Spencer didn't know standing next to her. “This is Agent Grenier, or you might know her better as Miss Peacock.”

“I was Y/N’s handler when she was under cover.”

“Do you know who has her?”

“If it has to do with this operation, I would imagine it would be Isabel Browder. Y/N was recruited to Operation Hasbro three years ago. She befriended Isabel, code named the heiress, daughter of Hugo Browder, code name the Kingpin. Hugo had a weapons and drug smuggling operation.”

“Why so secretive?” JJ asked.

“This was a joint task force. Organized crime, narcotics, ATF and internal affairs. We suspected that the Browder’s had Federal agents working with them, so we kept everything code name classified as a way to keep agents safe, and also made sure to recruit from outside the surrounding field offices so they couldn't be recognized.”

“A lot of good that did.” Spencer snapped. 

“Reid.” Emily warned.

“What, I'm not wrong. Y/N’s missing and we really aren't any closer to finding her now then we were this morning. So good job. Really. Great.” Spencer stormed out of the room. All day he had been on the verge of tears and right now he was about to lose it. He went over and over their conversations in his head, trying to remember if she said anything helpful, or if she had seemed scared at all.

“Spencer.” Emily came out after him. “Look I know you care about about Y/N, and that you're scared, we all are, but we need you to stay level headed. Y/N needs you Spencer.”

“I need to talk to Cat again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this one seems all over the place, I had so many things I wanted to get into the chapter, so hopefully things seem like they're falling into place.


	16. I've had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough.

“Wakey wakey.” A wave of ice cold water woke you up, completely drenching you. Gasping and shivering you tried to take in your surroundings. 

“Isabel?” You winced, your wrists were tied together and held up high above your head by a hook on the end of a chain. You tried to ease the pain in your shoulders, but with your toes barely able to reach the cold floor beneath them, you weren't able to. She smiled and pushed you slightly, causing you to slowly swing and gasp at the pain.

“Surprised to see me?” She asked, watching you swing. 

“A little. I heard you were back state side, didn't think you were stupid enough to show your face around here again.” She pushed you again, harder this time. 

“I'm the stupid one? You didn't even check who was at the door. Did you think it lover boy coming over for a booty call? He’s cute. And smart, I hear.

“Smartest person I know. He’ll find me, he’ll never stop until he does.” You tried to keep your voice from shaking as you looked her square in her cold blue eyes.

“Because he loves you? Look how that turned out for his last girlfriend.”

“How do you know about her?”

“You have your friends who get you information, I have mine. I mean, you had friends who got you information.”

“Meaning?”

“You see that little red light?” She pointed behind her. “That's a webcam. If it's on that means they found the body, and figured out my clues. Say hi to Spencie, I'm sure he's watching.”

“Who did you kill?”

“I didn't kill anyone. But, I can't imagine your snitch being very helpful anymore.”

“He’s dead?”

“Yeah, he wasn't helpful anyway. Didn't give me what I needed, but now I have you.”

“What do you need from me that your FBI informant can't tell you?”

“Colonel Mustard. Who is he?”

“Can't help you with that. I don’t know who he is.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I’m just supposedly believe you? The whole time I knew you, you were lying to me.”

“I'm sure your informant told you, the operation was classified. I don't know anything more then what's in the file.”

“You lie so easily.” She shook her head, “Look, Y/N. I like you. Just tell me what I want to know, and I’ll let the brilliant Doctor Reid know where you are. Whoever this Mustard is, he needs to pay for what he did to my family.”

“Isabel, I hate to break this to you, but your families in prison because they're criminals. It's not because of me, or Mustard that they're all locked up.”

“My dad died, did anyone tell you that? Killed in prison, stabbed, not unlike your boyfriend.”

A cold shiver ran through your body, “Did you, did you arrange to have him killed?”

Isabel shrugged, “Maybe.”

“When he was in prison we weren't… We hadn't…We were just friends.” Tears filled your eyes at the memory of Spencer in the hospital bed, the idea that he could have died because of you unimaginable. 

“We were inseparable for two years Y/N. The way you look him, I'm surprised those profilers never noticed.”

“How long have you been watching me?”

“Awhile.” She turned her back and got something off the table. “I don't want to do this Y/N, but I would really like that information.” She turned back to you and held up a vial.

“What is that?”

“I'm not sure what it technically is, I got it from some friends in Rome. A few milligrams of this, and you’ll feel so much pain, like you're burning from from the inside out, at least that's what they tell me, kind of excited to see it in action. They've assured me that one dose will get anyone talking.”

“Please Isabel. I don't know who he is.” You said, watching her fill a needle. 

“I'm sorry it has to be like this Y/N.” She smiled, sliding the needle into your arm.

**

Spencer was sitting at his deck, just staring at your empty desk. The sounds of your screaming and crying still ringing in his ears, those screams would haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. He didn't know what he would do if he lost you. He remembered the pain he’d felt after Maeve had died and he didn’t think he could survive that crushing heart break again.

“Hey, Spence.” JJ said softly, putting her hand on his shoulder. 

“Is it back on?” He asked, the video feed had shut off about an hour earlier and they hadn't been able to get it back up.

“No.” 

“Is there any new information?”

“Not yet.” Her voice caught.

Tears slid down his cheeks, softly landing on his desk. “I can't do this again JJ. I can't keep losing people I love.”

“Don't do that Spence. We’re going to find her.”

“In what state? What else is Isabel going to do to her if Y/N doesn't tell her who Colonel Mustard is?” His voice broke as his mind ran wild thinking about what could be happening to you.

“Hey. Hey. Don't go there. The entirety of the FBI is looking for her.”

“What if that's not enough?” He bit the inside of his cheek and glanced back over at your desk. 

“Guys. I know who Isabel’s informant is.” Garcia shouted at she ran through the bull pen.

**

“You.” You said. “I know you.” You were so groggy but you remembered his face.

“Hello again.” He smiled.

“Matthews?”

“Whatever she was doing to you, sounded pretty painful.” He chuckled. “Your team was watching it, you were so loud I could hear it across the bullpen.” He reached out and touched your hair. “Man, you should have seen the look on his face when he saw you.”

“Don't touch me.”

He chuckled again. “You know, I recognized you the second I saw you. Hugo had this picture of you and Isabel in his office, so imagine my surprise when I saw you in the parking lot talking to that skinny dork from the BAU.”

“How could you.”

“Money talks.”

“You betrayed your oaths for money.”

“What else is there.”

You shook your head. “You're a pathetic excuse of a man.”

He watched you closely and licked his lips, “You should tell Isabel what she wants. I’d hate to wonder what she’d do next.”

“I don’t know who it is.”

“That’s not a good enough answer. She was talking about sending me over to Quantico, grabbing your sister or the good doctor and bringing them over here, she thinks it might make you a little more chatty.”

You strained against your ties, “If you hurt either of them I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”

“I believe you just might if I gave you the chance.” He reached over and touched your cheek.

“Don't touch me.” You repeated.

“I bet if we turned that camera on and gave them a little show, that boyfriend of yours would move heaven and earth to get Isabel that name.”

“She’d never let you.”

“I don't know, guess we’ll just have to wait and see.” He winked as his phone rang. “Duty calls. See you later.” 

"Don't hurt them." You yelled over and over again until you were alone again.


	17. You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death is

The trap they’d set for Agent Matthews wasn't a complex one. They simple sent him a message under the guise that they were calling in everyone for a briefing about your disappearance, and he walked in to Quantico like he had nothing to hide. His narcism lead him to believe that he was untouchable, and that he wouldn't be caught. The second he’d walked into the bull pen all the guns were on him.

Emily hadn’t allowed Spencer to be a part of the take down, out of fear of what he might do to Matthews, and they needed him to tell them where you were.

“He hasn't said anything else?” Spencer asked, biting the skin around his thumb, watching Emily and Luke interrogate Matthews. 

“He says he’ll only talk to you.” Rossi said.

“It makes sense. He’s a typical alpha male, he wants to rub it in your face that he knows where she is.”

“Alright. I’ll talk to him.”

“No.” Emily said, her and Luke rejoining the team. “I'm sorry Spencer, but I can't let you do that.”

“Emily. If that’s what it takes to get her home, I’ll do it.”

“He’s right Emily, if Garcia can’t break the encryption on his phone, it could be too late.” JJ said softly. “I’ll go in with him.”

“Fine. But Spencer. He’s going to try to bait you and get under your skin. You need to keep it together. For Y/N’s sake.”

Spencer and JJ went into the interrogation room, and Matthews smiled. 

“Dr. Reid.” 

“Agent Matthews.” Spencer sat across from him, holding Matthews’ gaze. He knew how important it was to not show any weakness to a man like Rick Matthews.

“I don't think I can call myself Agent anymore.” He chuckled. “I think they strip that title away when you're involved with crime families.”

“Or when you're involved with the kidnapping of a federal agent.”

Matthews smiled again. “You're probably right.”

“Rick. You're in a lot of trouble, just tell where Y/N is.” JJ said. Matthews never took his eyes off Spencer, sizing him up and down.

“I watched her for months, and something I never got was what she saw in you.”

Spencer’s fist clenched under the table, “Excuse me?”

“She's gorgeous, you're a skinny dork. I don't get it. What could you have to offer someone like her? You must be great in bed.” He laughed.

“Where is she?” Spencer repeated the question.

“You’ll find her when Izzy’s ready for you to find her. Or should I say, you’ll find what's left of her.” Matthews leaned back in his chair and sighed, “Does it make you mad knowing that I had her all alone.”

“No.”

“No?” Matthews sat back up, “Don’t you want to know what I did to her?” He hissed. “How she cried for you?”

“You didn't do anything to her. You aren't the dominant one in your relationship with Isabel, she’s the boss and she would never let you do anything, because despite everything they’ve been through, she can’t help but care about Y/N. And, Y/N’s a strong woman, she’d see right through you, you wouldn't scare her.”

“You're wrong.” Matthews started, but Spencer kept talking.

“Isabel’s using you, like her father used you. She doesn't care about you. Notice how you were the only one at risk? Isabel has you running around like her little puppy. Now is your one chance to have some control. Tell us where Isabel is keeping Y/N.”

“No.”

“Reid.” JJ said softly, sliding her phone over to him. He quickly read the text.

“You should have taken the deal.” Spencer and JJ stood up and left the room. 

**

You were exhausted. Every part of you hurt, and you were so unbelievably tired. 

Isabel had turned the camera back on, but had left you alone in the room. Alone with time to think. You weren't sure how much longer you could last, or what else Isabel was capable of. You could hear the desperation in Isabel’s voice when she asked you who he was, and you saw the frustration and rage in her eyes when you told her you didn’t know.

There was once a time when Isabel saw you as her best friend, and despite your betrayal, you suspected that remaining fondness was the reason you were still alive, but she was her father's daughter. You had seen the angry side of Isabel and you were afraid of what she could do next.

You looked back over at the camera and wondered if they were watching.

“Garcia. I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even watching this, but please tell my parents and siblings that I love them. And don't let my parents watch this, no matter how much they ask, just don't let them.” Your voice broke as you spoke. So many times while in the field you’d had to try to convince loved ones of the victims that they shouldn't know the details, that it was best to remember them as they were. You didn't want your screams to be what your parents remembered of you. “And Spencer.” Tears spilled over as you thought of him, “I’m sorry that we didn't get more time and this is not your fault.”

“Aw. Saying goodbye to lover boy?” Isabel reentered the room with a small bag, “You know. I was thinking, you’re lucky my dad never found out you were a rat.”

“Yeah, I'm feeling really lucky right now.”

Isabel smiled, “You were always full of jokes.” She chuckled. “No, it's lucky he never knew because you would have had it so much worse if he were still here. Not only would he have hurt you, he’d have gotten Spencer and that pretty little sister of yours and killed them in front of you first. You would have begged him to kill you.”

“Isabel. How can you say those things and not think that he belonged in prison? He was a bad man who did bad things. He hurt people Isabel.”

“You know all about hurting people, don't you.”

“You don't have to be like him, Isabel. You could let me go, and I could help you.”

“Don't you see? There's nothing left for me.”

“That's not true.”

“All my family is in prison. If I get caught, I’ll do to prison. There's nothing for me thanks to you and this Colonel Mustard.”

A quiet alarm went off and Isabel went over to the small laptop. 

“No.” She said softly, a small glimmer of hope rising in your chest. “No.” She screamed this time, throwing the laptop against a wall, shattering it. She grabbed a knife off the table and started to pace in front of you.

“Let me down. We can go out there together. Nobody else needs to get hurt.”

“Let me think.”

“Isabel. They’ll surround the place, and they’ll come in.”

“Do you think he’ll kill me?”

“Who?”

“Your Spencer. Do you think he’ll kill me for hurting you? I hear he has a bit of a temper.”

“No. He’s a good man.”

“Good men can be pushed to do bad things.” Isabel held the knife up and stoked your cheek with it. “Is it true that his last girlfriend died right in front of him?” She asked.

“Please Isabel.” You whispered, another tear sliding down your cheek. It would kill Spencer to lose someone else. You knew that and so did Isabel. Her last play for power, her last chance to really hurt you. 

“Maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll get to say goodbye.” She said as she slowly slid the knife between your ribs, then pulled it out and stabbed you again.

“Goodbye Y/N.” She said, backing away from you and leaving out another door.

You knew you didn't have long, you could feel the warmth from your blood as it spread down your body. You were already so weak that you quickly felt yourself slowly drifting out of consciousness until you heard your name.

It Spencer. He can come for you.

“I’m here.” You said, softy at first. “Spencer. I’m here.” You repeated, as loud as you could.

“Here. She's here.” You heard him.

“Spencer.” You whispered.

“Help me get her down, then get a medic.” He said. 

You were pretty sure you were laying on the ground now, looking up at Spencer's face.

“You came for me.” You said, your voice barely a whisper. You tried to reach out for him but your arms felt heavy.

“I’ll always come for you.” He cupped your cheek.

“Y/N. This is going to hurt.” Another voice, maybe Luke, said, then you felt pressure, but no pain.

“I'm sorry Spencer.”

“For what?”

“I think I'm dying.” 

“No. You're going to be okay. The medics are coming.”

“I'm just so tired.”

“I know. I know baby, but please. Just keep your eyes open. Please don't leave me.” Spencer begged. 

“I love you Spencer. So much.”

“I love you.”

“Promise me that when I go you won't shut them out. I don't want you to be alone. I need to know that you'll be okay."

“You're not going anywhere.”

“And that you’ll find a nice wife and have babies.”

“No. Not without you.” He was sobbing now, his tears raining down on you. 

“I think we would have been happy Spencer.”

“Y/N. Please. Don't leave me.”

“I’m sorry Spencer. I'm just so tired.” You closed your eyes, “So tired.” You could hear him crying your name but he sounded so far away.

He was getting farther and farther away, and you felt like you were flying until finally there was nothing.


	18. The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.

Heaven was louder then you thought it’d be, and strangely, there was more beeping. You could tell it bright where ever you were, your eyes felt heavy, but you forced yourself to open them and were surprised at what you saw.

“Dad?” You croaked, your throat, along with every other part of you ached. You groggily reached up to pull what ever was in your nose out. “What are you doing here?”

“Leave that.” He said, the look on his face unusually soft while he looked at you. 

“Where am I?” You tried to sit up, but he crossed the room and gently put his hand on your shoulder.

“No, don’t get up.”

“How long have I been here?”

“Three days.”

“Three days?” You said softly, trying to remember whatever you could from three days ago. You weren't sure what they were giving you through the IV in your hand, but it was making everything foggy. “Have you been here for three days?”

“We’ve been here since Avery called.”

“We?” 

“Your mom and I.” He replied and your eyes welled.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“If I had just taken that stupid job at the stupid pentagon, none of this would have happened.” You weren't enjoying was these medicines were effecting your emotions. 

“I, I shouldn't have tried to force that on you. I didn't realize what you did here, and, what I’m trying to say is, I'm proud of you.” Your dad said awkwardly. 

“That's quiet the dramatic change in opinion.”

“When your daughters rushed into surgery to save her life, you start to reexamine things. Spencer was kind enough to tell me about some of the cases you’ve worked on.”

“Wait.” You interrupted. “Is Spencer here?” The beeping from a machine next to you started to get faster when you thought of him. 

“No. Not right now. Your mom made him go home to get some rest. He was sleeping here, and he was looking pretty rough, but he should be back soon.”

“He stayed?” You said softly, you were still so tired.

“Yeah. He's a good kid, Birdie. Why don’t you get some more sleep?”

“I'm not tired.” You said as your eyes drooped closed. 

You had no clue how long you slept, but when you woke up, your room was full of people. Avery was sitting at the foot of your bed watching your dad and Spencer look at each other over a chess board. Your dad was intensely studying the board while Spencer looked at him with a smug look on his face.

“Rook to knight four.” You croaked, causing all heads to turn to you.

“There she is.” Avery smiled. 

“Hey ducky.” You reached for her hand and squeezed it. 

“You gave us quite the scare.”

“I’m sorry.” You smiled weakly, then looked over at Spencer, your smile widening.

“Come on daddy, why don’t we go find mom, and you buy me a doughnut from that coffee shop downstairs.” Avery said, jumping off your bed. 

“Yes. Right.” Your dad cleared his throat. “Spencer, would you like one?”

“I'm alright, thank you .” Spencer didn't take his eyes off you the whole time.

“Alright. We’ll be back.” Avery said, patting Spencer's shoulder when she passed him. 

“Hi.” You said softly once the two of you were alone. He didn't answer, just smiled and looked at you, “God, I'm probably a mess.” You reached up to pat down your hair. You weren't sure if this was the same day as before, or a different day, but you found that it didn't really matter since Spencer was here.

“Don't be silly. You look beautiful.” He whispered, his voice cracking while his eyes watered.

“Hey. Please don't cry. I'm okay.”

“I thought I lost you.” He gently stroked your cheek. You closed your eyes and let your cheek rest against his hand.

“I’m right here, and it's all because of you.” You reached up and slipped your hand into his and gave it a gently squeeze. “You saved me.”

“We were almost too late.”

“She wanted you to find me like that. One last way to hurt me.” You studied his face, “Is she…?”

Spencer nodded. “Emily and JJ caught her trying to hotwire a car, and she pulled a gun on them, so JJ had to.”

A tear slid down your cheek, which Spencer wiped away. “I'm sorry. I don’t know why I'm crying. I mean, she tried to kill me.”

“Whatever sadness you're feeling right now is valid. You spend years undercover, she was your friend.”

“She wasn't a good person.”

“No. But you are.” The warmth in Spencer’s eyes as he looked at you reminded you of that night in your kitchen when he first kissed you, it made your face warm and the machine next to you started beeping faster.

“Is that because of me?” He teased, trying to lighten the mood. He was pointing at the monitor which had started going crazy when you saw him.

“Shut up.” You blushed even harder.

“I’m flattered.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “Who are all these flowers from? It looks like someone robbed a flower shop.”

“Do you really need to ask.”

“No, not really. I’m sensing Penelope Garcia was here.” You chuckled. 

“They all were.” Spencer glanced at his watch and sighed. “Visiting hours are just about over. I should get out of here so you can get some sleep.”

“Can’t you stay?”

“I don't think so. The scary nurse is working tonight and I don’t think I can play the FBI card with her.”

“Will you come back tomorrow?”

“The second visiting hours start up again, I’ll be here.”

“Good. Because I still want us to have that talk.”

“Me too.” He leaned over and kissed you, “Good night, I love you.”

You smiled. “I love you too.” 

**

You woke up with a sigh, the stiffness in your shoulders waking you up. As your eyes opened and took in the strange room, you were reassured by Spencer asleep next to you, his hand protectively rested on your waist. 

You’d gotten out of the hospital yesterday and had gone with Spencer and your parents for a celebration dinner and you had strangely enjoyed yourself. If you had to guess it was mostly thanks to Spencer being there, holding your hand under the table, but your dad had been uncharacteristically pleasant to be around and had actually seemed interested in your new job.   
After the dinner Spencer had driven you back to your place, the intention that he’d stay over the night there with you. All you’d talked about in the hospital was how excited you were to get to sleep in your own bed again, but as Spencer grabbed his bag from the trunk you had a feeling of dread at the idea of going in.

Spencer had sensed your hesitation and had suggested going to his place for the night and you had eagerly agreed, glad to get away from your place.

The two of you had cuddled on his couch watching a movie until you had nodded off. Spencer had gently woken you up and lead you to his bed, offering you one of his pyjama tops to sleep in, and you’d fallen asleep to his rubbing your back while he read.

As you watched him sleep, the morning light falling across his beautiful face you wondered how it was possible to love someone so much. You scooted your body closer to him and nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck, placing soft kisses across his throat.

“What are you doing?” He muttered sleepily, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close.

“You're a genius. Why don't you guess.” You kept kissing his throat, going higher to reach for his lips while your hands worked on unbuttoning his shirt.

“Silly girl.” He laughed, taking your face in his hands and kissing you deeply. You both rolled so that you were on your back with Spencer pressed against you, kissing you with a hungry that you reciprocated.

“Ow.” You winced making Spencer quickly pull away from you, his eyes wide now with concern.

“Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, let just keep going.” You reached for him again, but he pulled away even further.

“It's too soon. You had surgery less then a week ago.”

“It's fine Spencer. Seriously.”

“No.” He said sternly. You sighed, and flopped back, wincing slightly again. “Once you're medically cleared by a doctor for… Strenuous activities, I promise you that I’ll let you have your wicked way with me.” He put of soft kiss on your lips. “But until then, hands to yourself.”

“You're a doctor?” You tried, earning you a look from him. “What day is it?”

“It's Tuesday.”

“What time is it? Don’t you have to go to work?”

“Emily told me to take the week and be with you.”

“That was nice of her.”

“I'm pretty sure it's to make sure that you take it easy while you heal.” He laughed, brushing your hair back.

“Even so. I get to have you to myself for a whole week.”

“On that note, of you relaxing that is, why don't you go back to sleep for a little while? It's so early.” Spencer got out of the bed and had started rummaging through his closet.

“Will you stay in bed with me?” You snuggled back into the covers while you watched him change out of his pyjamas and into his clothes, admiring the view. 

“I have some errands to run.”

“That are more important then me?” You pouted.

“I wasn't expecting us to be here, so I have no food in the house at all, and you need to eat.”

“Alright. I’ll allow it.” You yawned and stretched out in the bed.

“I can stop by your place and get some stuff for you, if you want. Some clothes? Toiletries and the such.”

“That’d be great.”

“Okay,” He kissed your forehead, “ I’ll be gone an hour and a half tops. Call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah yeah.” You muttered, closing your eyes and letting the warmth of the bed lull you back to sleep.

You slept soundly until you heard rummaging in the other room and Spencer whistling. You grabbed one of his robes and wrapped yourself in it and went out to join him.

“How’d you sleep?” Spencer asked, not looking away from the groceries he was unpacking.

“Better then I have in a long time.”

“Good.” He turned and smiled at you, making your heart skip. “Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat.”

“Maybe later. Would it be alright if I take a shower?”

Spencer cupped your face in his hands, “You don't need to ask. When you're here I want you to feel like this is your home.” He said softly, stroking your cheek. 

“Alright. I’m going to take a shower. Then we can eat.”

You followed him into his bathroom and he helped you get the water running. He claimed the faucet was weird, but you knew he just wanted to take care of you, and you were glad to let him. 

“Shout if you need anything.” He said once he finished setting out the toiletries he’d gotten from your place. 

“Thanks Spence.”

He left you alone and you stripped down. You caught a glimpse at yourself in the mirror, the bruises on your body an ugly shade of green and the stab wounds were an angry red.

You stepped into the shower and let the warm water wash over you. You were looking forward to feeling more like yourself again, and the first step for that was going to be washing your hair. You honestly had no idea how long it had been. You reached for the shampoo bottle but paused.

“Spence?” You called.

“Are you alright?” 

“Could you get in with me?” You asked softly.

He didn't say anything at first. “Y/N. If this is some ploy to try to seduce me…”

“No. It's just,” You sighed, “My shoulders are so stiff and I don't think I’ll be able lift my arms high enough to wash my hair.” You said, a little embarrassed that you weren't able to do such a basic things for yourself.

“Hold on.”

You waited only a few moments until he came back in and got in the shower with you. 

“I’ve never showered with anyone before, well that's not true. I’ve never showered with a beautiful woman before.” His cheeks were rosy and you suspected it wasn't from the warm water, but rather from the current activity. You felt your own face warm while he looked at you. Yes, you’d seen each other naked before but there was something particularly intimate about showering together, and allowing someone to see you so vulnerable. 

Spencer took his hands into yours and gently kissed the bruises along your wrists. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you.” Your voice broke, the realization of how close you were to losing all this suddenly hitting you.

Spencer hugged you close to him, and rubbed your back, “It's okay. I'm here.” He held you for a few more minutes, then helped you wash your hair.

He got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist before helping you out, slipping the cozy robe on you. He took your hand and the two of you went into his bedroom, where he had set the bags he’d gotten from your place. 

“I wasn't sure what you’d want, so I grabbed everything cozy I could find.” He explained while he got himself dressed. “Then that bag has your laptop, chargers, your glasses and…” He crossed the room and opened the bag, pulling out the small, worn stuffed owl that had been on your bed. “This guy looked lonely without you.” He handed you the owl.

“You're the most amazing person.” You said, his face lighting up. “I'm so lucky to know you.” You opened your arms and he hugged you. “Thank you for letting me stay here. I just don’t think I could feel safe there just yet.”

“You can stay here as long as you want.” He said into your hair.

“Oh, don't say that. You’ll never get rid of me.” You laughed.

“That, my darling, is the plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stick around, there's one more part to come! I'm a sucker for an epilogue that checks in with the characters a little while later so that you know they got a happy ending, so that'll be along shortly!


	19. Home isn't a place, it's a feeling

Five hundred and thirty six. Thats the number of mornings it had been since Spencer had first brought you to his home, except now it was wasn't just his home anymore, it was yours. The one you shared. The one were you'd had so many firsts as a couple. A first dinner party. A first Christmas. A first valentines day.

The home were you'd fallen more and more in love with Spencer with everyday that passed. Until you'd met Spencer, you'd thought that the idea of a soul mate was silly, that there was no way one person could make you feel complete, but when he looked at you you had no doubt that Spencer was your soul mate. 

It wasn't just a physical attraction that you two shared, though you did craved his touch when he was away, but there was also an emotional connection between the two of you that you'd never known before. When you had been sick with food poisoning and had been curled up on the bathroom floor, he was the only person you would ever had unlocked the door for, and you had let him comfort you. Or the way you'd hold him while he cried when the strain of his mother's worsening illness became too much. 

He had been the one to suggest you moving only a few weeks after you had originally started staying there, since neither of you seemed in a rush for you to go home. He had arranged the whole thing so that you never had to go back there, Garcia and Avery leading the charge in packing up all your stuff and selling anything you weren't going to be needing.

When you woke up on the five hundred and thirty sixth morning you were pleasantly surprised to find him asleep next to you. When you had talked to him the night before he had said he didn't expect to be home until later and that he would come up and see you once they got back. You smiled to yourself, glad he was home. He'd been away for almost a whole week and you'd missed him so much.

You watched him sleep, snoring softly while snugged up with Sherlock, the tabby cat that had followed you home and that you had convinced him to let you keep, and bit your lip. You wanted to kiss him so bad, to feel his skin against yours, to breathe in that smell that was so distinctly him, but he looked so peaceful that you couldn't bring yourself to wake him. 

Instead you slipped out of bed, careful to not wake him and went to shower. 

As you finished rinsing the shampoo out of your hair there was a soft knock on the door. 

"Hey baby, Can I get in with you?" Spencer asked quietly. 

"Of course." Another intimacy that you never would have imagined yourself liking before dating Spencer, but found yourself missing when he wasn't home. The two of you often showered together. It was one of the few moments in the day that you two were able to connect and talk. You never had sex in the shower, despite your best efforts, but Spencer would always go off on a tangent about the amount of injuries that were the results of shower sex, and it always killed the mood. "I didn't wake you, did I?" You asked while he got in. 

"No." He said, wrapping his arms around you and resting his forehead on your shoulder. "Sherlock was chewing on my hair." He muttered sleepily, making you giggle. "I missed you." He added, wrapping his arms tighter around you. 

"I missed you too. When did you get in? I thought you weren't going to leave until this morning." You gently rubbed his back. 

"Henry had something at school this morning that JJ didn't want to miss, so we left as soon as we wrapped up."

"You should have woken me up." You pulled away to look up at him. "I only would have been a little annoyed." You said, making him smile. 

"You looked so cozy. I didn't want to wake you." He took your face in his hands and kissed you, and you pressed your body up against him. 

"I'm going to get out now so you can finish getting ready without any distractions." You pulled away, his lips chasing yours. 

You climbed out, wrapping yourself in your robe and left him alone in the shower. 

You quickly blow dried your hair before pinning it up and put on a little make up before grabbing your clothes from the closet. You had decided to wear something you knew Spencer liked, wanting to put in a little extra effort today for him. 

You could hear him finishing up when you went into the kitchen to make yourself some tea and put on the pot of coffee for Spencer. 

"Hey Hon, do you want a bagel?" You called over your shoulder when you heard him join you in the kitchen. 

"Please." He slipped his arms around your waist and pulled you close, kissing your neck while you put the bagels in the toaster. You pushed them down and turned to face him. " How are you so beautiful before eight am?" He said softly, kissing you between each word. 

"I guess I'm just lucky." You played with the collar of his shirt while you looked up at him. 

"And humble." He teased. 

"Very humble." You pulled him by his tie down to your lips and kissed him deeply while his hands gripped your waist, lifting you up onto the counter. His hands slowly pushed your skirt higher and higher up your thighs.

"Are you wearing that lacy black thing I like under this?" He muttered between kisses, his fingers now working the buttons of your blouse open. 

"Maybe." You teased. You let his hands explore in your blouse while he deeply kissed for a few more seconds before you put your hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. "I have to be at work in forty five minutes for a meeting." You said softly.

"Baby, I only need five to make your legs shake." He whispered into your ear, gently nibbling your earlobe. 

"Tempting, but I know you. Five minutes turns into ten, then fifteen then next thing you know, we're late for work and I have hickeys I need to hide." You patted his cheek. "Later?"

"Later." He helped you off the counter and to rebutton your shirt. 

"How was the call with your mom's doctor?" You asked while you grabbed the cream cheese. 

"Not great." He said sadly. 

"Hey. I have an idea." You said, setting down what you were holding and taking his hands in yours. "Why don't we make a whole night of tonight."

"Meaning?"

"Why don't you take me out for dinner and we can properly talk about it?" You brushed his almost dry curls back. " Then we can come home and you can follow through on the promise to make my legs shake."

"I'd like that." He smiled a little. 

"Good." You checked your watch, "I'm leaving in ten minutes, did you want to come with me or are you coming in later?"

"I'll come with you. Let me just grab my things." 

You finished making yours and Spencer's breakfast, wrapping then in a napkin so you could eat it on the car and put your drinks in to go mugs. 

"Peppermint tea this morning?" He asked, taking your hand when you got out at FBI campus. "Tummy sore?" He asked grabbing both your bags from the backseat while you held his coffee. 

"Yeah. A bit."

"Y/N. Reid." Garcia came scooting over. "How is the FBI's hottest power couple doing this morning?" She asked, throwing her arm over your shoulder, making you titer in your own heels that you hadn't quite gotten used to yet. Not being in the field anymore was nice because you got to wear pretty clothes that you knew drove Spencer crazy. His eyes had almost popped out of his head when you'd asked his opinion on the shoes. His reaction alone was enough to convince you to get them and he on more then one occasion has asked you to wear them and only them in bed. 

"Great now that he's home." You smiled, pushing both your floor and theirs in the elevator. "Come up and find me when your done?" You said to Spencer, trading him his coffee for your bag. 

"I can't wait." He kissed your cheek, not wanting a repeat of the time he'd gotten your lipstick all over him and had been teased mercilessly by Luke for days. 

***

Spencer had eagerly counted down the minutes until five o'clock and the second it hit five he grabbed his things, waved goodbye to his co-workers and rode the elevator up the few floors to your office. He never told you this, but he was secretly glad that you had a office job now. It wasn't that he didn't think you could handle yourself in the field, he knew you could, but he would have constantly been worrying about you because he loved you more then life itself. He'd almost lost you once and the memory of your screams still sometimes woke him, even from the deepest of sleeps. 

He made his way over to your office and watched you from the doorway for a few minutes. He loved watching you work. The way you bit your lip while you concentrated on what ever you were typing was incredibly endearing, when you worked in the BAU he'd often been distracted watching you.

He could never understand men who were intimidated by their partner having a higher ranking job then them. Spencer was proud of you for being a team leader within your task force. It was extremely well earned. You were an intelligent woman and deserved the recognition you were getting. 

He knocked on the door and you looked up, smiling at him. 

"Are those for me?" You asked, looking the flowers in his hands. 

"No. These are for my other girlfriend." He teased, setting them down of the edge of your desk. 

"Oh. Another girlfriend?" You crossed your arms and leaned back in your chair. 

"Yeah, but don't worry. You could definitely take her." He leaned over your desk and kissed your forehead. "You have nothing to worry about my darling. I thought of nothing all day except you." He said softly. 

"Oh? Were you all hot thinking about what I'm wearing under this?" You undid the top button of your blouse while biting your lip. You were teasing him and he knew it. He had told you once, after you'd promised to not tease him about it, that he sometimes fantasized about fucking you on your desk while you wore those heels he liked so much. 

"Naughty girl."

"Only for you." You batted your eyelashes, undoing another button. 

"You almost ready?" He asked clearing his throat. 

"I don't know, maybe you should take your other girlfriend?" You raised an eyebrow and Spencer laughed. 

"Baby, you're the only one for me."

"Mhhmm." You squinted your eyes and looked back at your computer. "Let me just send this and I'll be good to go."

You finished off whatever you'd been typing and shut off your lamp. 

Spencer grabbed your bag in one hand and your hand in the other. 

"Where do you want me to take you for dinner?" 

"Italian?" You suggested, swinging your arms while you walked to the car. 

"Hey. Give me the keys. I know where we should go."

"Have I told you today how beautiful you are?" Spencer asked, pulling your chair out for you once you arrived at the restaurant. 

"You have, but I never get sick of hearing you say it." You smiled at him and his heart skipped. 

The waitress came over and Spencer looked to you, "Should we get some wine?" He asked, glancing at the wine menu. 

"Could I actually just get some water and a gingerale if you have?" You asked the waitress, taking the food menu from her. "If you want a glass though, I don't mind." You smiled up a Spencer before looking at your menu. 

"I'll have a water and an old fashion please." The waitress left and he looked over at you, studying your face. "Babe, if you aren't feeling well we could head home and do this another night." He started, setting his menu on the table.

"No, I'm fine, really Spence." You reached across the table and squeeze his hand. "I want us to talk about your call with your mom's doctor with no interruptions." 

"You promise you'd tell me if something was wrong."

"Nothing is wrong." Spencer raised his eyebrow, still studying your face. "What? Whatever you have on your mind just say it."

"You didn't have any coffee this morning." 

"You know, not everyone drinks a metric ton of coffee everyday."

"True. But, am I imagining a smoothie cup on your desk?"

"You caught me. I drank a smoothie today." You looked back down at the menu, your cheeks flushed. "Did you want me to alert the media or will you?"

"Y/N?"

"What?"

"I've never known you to willingly drink a smoothie."

You two stared each other down. Spencer knew he was going to get whatever it was out of you when you started to bite the inside of your cheek. 

"I didn't want to bring it up until after we talked about your mom."

"Its alright. Please just tell me whats going on."

"Spence. I'm pregnant."

****

You knew you should have hidden that smoothie cup in someone else's trash can. You had the worlds most observant boyfriend. Spencer noticed everything, and you hadn't been very conspicuous. Of course he was going to know something was strange when you hadn't had your usual two cups of coffee before you'd even left the house, and you never turned down a glass of wine. Its like you were begging him to ask. 

"Spence?" You said softly. He hadn't said anything for a few minutes. His mouth slightly open and his eyes wide. "Are you mad?" You asked, your voice even softer. 

"What? No. God no. Why would I be mad? Y/N, I think this is one of the best days of my life." He smiled one of the biggest smiles you've ever seen on his face and you heaved a sigh of relief. "Are you sure? Have you seen a doctor?"

You nodded. "I had been feeling weird all last week and Garcia had joked that maybe I was pregnant, so I bought a test and did it three days ago, then to be double sure I went and bought ten more and did them. And when they were all positive, I went to the doctor today to make triple sure and she confirmed with a blood test." You prattled on nervously, playing with the napkin on your lap. "The doctor thinks I'm about ten weeks."

"What were we doing ten.... oh. Rossi's birthday party."

"Yeah. Thats what I was thinking." You blushed as you thought back to that night ten weeks ago. You'd both gotten a little tipsy and hadn't been able to keep your hands to yourselves in the back of the Uber on the way home. You both had been so hot and bothered that you hadn't even made it to your bedroom, and Spencer had fucked you on the kitchen table. Then the couch. Then against the wall outside your bedroom, then finally the bed. Neither of you had been very concerned with a condom that night. 

"That was a pretty great night." He was studying your face again. "Are you alright. With this i mean. I dont want you to feel like this needs to happen now if you don't want it to."

"No. Spencer, I want this. I want this with you. It's just that we haven't really talked about this. Or planned for it right now, I just wasn't sure if you thought we were ready. "

"I think we're ready."

The rest of dinner had gone better then you could have imagined. You weren't sure why you had been so nervous to tell Spencer. It was Spencer for goodness sake. He was going to be the most amazing dad and this baby was going to be the luckiest kid in the world. And honestly, thinking about him being a good dad was really turning you on. You'd have to blame it on the hormones. 

The second you walked in the door all you wanted to do was jump his bones, but as he took your coat and hung it up for you he was still rambling on about the best school districts for you guys to start looking for a house in. God. Even him talking about that was putting you in the mood. 

"Spence." You grabbed his face with your hands. "I'm thrilled that you know all this, but if you don't fuck me right now I'm going to explode."

He seemed surprised at your brashness but smiled, "You know. The influx of hormones you're experiencing is completely norm-"

"Spencer!" You gasped. 

"You're right, that can wait. Bedroom?" He picked you up before you could answer and carried you to the bed, gently setting you down. You hungrily teared at each others clothes. Once completly naked Spencer admired your body. "I should have known in the shower. Your breasts are bigger." He said, kissing them softly while you straddled his lap. He looked up at you with so much love and adoration and lust while you reached over to the bedside table, your hand stopping short of the drawer and you laughed softly. 

"Whats so funny?"

"I guess I can take condoms of the grocery list." You reached down and kissed him. 

You pulled away from him and just admired him for a second. His thumb softly twirling your clit. 

"Hey. I thought you were going to explode." He said softly, his free hand brushing your hair behind your ear. 

You slowly lowered yourself onto him, gasping the entire time. It felt so good to have him again. Sure the phone sex was fine, Spencer had made sure to get you plenty of toys to keep you satisfied in his absence, but there was nothing that rivaled him. 

"I missed seeing the look on your face when I'm inside you." He whispered. His hands held tight onto your waist as you started to ride him, him completely filling you up. Your body felt like it was on fire in no time. The room filled with the sounds of your skin on his, and your panting as you rode him faster and faster, chasing that high that only he gave you. You liked being on top mainly to watch his face. His eyes closed and his lips slightly parted, a thin layer of sweat of his skin that damped his hair so slightly. He slowly nodded his head while he gasped, the concentration evident while he tried hard to not finish before you. 

He opened his eyes and looked up at you. "Enjoying the view?" He asked, his thumb returning to rub agonizingly slow circles. 

"Very much so." You got out between gasps. You'd already come once but wanted more. Need more of him. 

Sensing that you were slowing down but still desperate for more Spencer smoothly rolled you both over, never breaking the tempo and his hips slammed into you. You kissed ever inch of skin you could reach now that he was right up against you. You weren't going to last much longer, you could already feel yourself tightening around you. You came with a high whine, digging your nails into his back while he finished inside you. He rested a moment on you, his face in the crook of your neck and your arms around him, playing with the ends of his curls. 

"Spence?" You said after who know how long, worried he'd fallen asleep. 

"Yes you beautiful goddess." His voice muffled by your hair. 

"You're squishing me."

"Shit. Sorry." He pulled out of you and rolled into his back, grabbing your hand and bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "I love you." He said rolling his head to look at you. 

"I love you too." You did the same and the two of you just looked at each other. 

Spencer reached his hand over and rested it on your belly, a soft smile on his face. A sudden sadness crossed his eyes that you caught. 

"What are you thinking about?" You asked. 

"My mom. She's never going to wake up in the morning and know that she's a grandma." He said softly, his eyes tearing up. " She's not going to be at the hospital when you have the baby. She's not going to read the baby Chaucer. She's not going to really see me be a dad."

"I'm so sorry." You said, knowing there was nothing else you could that could take that sting away. You couldn't imagine your mom not being able to share your excitement. "We'll tell the baby all about their grandma and how amazing is she, and how even though grandma doesn't remember, she'll still love them because she loves their daddy so much." He looked back up at you and smiled. "And just think how loved this kids going to be? All his aunts and uncles? You just know the teams going to spoil this kid rotten." Spencer laughed and rolled over, gently kissing your stomach. 

"I have something I want to give you." Spencer stood up and you admired the view yet again as he walked naked to his dresser. 

'What could you possibly have it your underwear drawer that I would ever want?" you laughed but stopped when you noticed a tiny velvet box in his hand. "Spencer." You sat up, your eyes darting from his hand to his eyes and back to his hand. 

He bit his lip shyly and he got back in the bed next to you. "I bought this for you a week after you started staying here because I knew what I knew the second i met you, that I'm never going to love anyone the way I love you." He started, your eyes welling up, "I had this whole plan on how I was going to do this when the time was right. I was going to make you this great dinner, with Dave's help of course, and I was going to fill the place with daisies and I was going to get down on one knee, but this feels right. It feels like us. So. Y/N." You held your breath as he opened the box and took out the most beautiful ring you'd ever seen. "Will you marry me?"

"You're not just asking because I'm pregnant?" You were openly sobbing now. You were sure any makeup you hadn't sweated off was now streaming down your face. 

"I've thought about marrying you since that first morning I woke up with you in my arms." He assured you. You threw your arms around his neck and hugged him. 

"I love you." You sobbed. These hormones were really getting the best of you. 

"Is that a yes?" He asked.

"Oh my god. Yes." You let him go and looked at him. He was crying too and he had the dopiest smile on his face. 

"Can I?" He asked , nodding towards your hand. You nodded and bit your lip as he slide the light purple stoned ring on your finger. 

"Its beautiful Spencer. You're beautiful." You were crying again. "God. I'm sorry I'm such a mess." You said while he wiped your tears with his thumb. 

"You're beautiful" He said simply, taking you into his arms and laying back.

"Tell me more about these school districts." You yawned, snuggling up closer to him. This day had been an emotional one and you were glad to end it in bed with Spencer. As he prattled on about the different districts you knew it didn't matter were you lived. 

As long he was there, you were home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy its over. I actually got emotional as I finished this. . I know a lot happens here but I like to leave the readers knowing that they're going to be happy. Also, if there's a lot of mistakes its because I'm writing this on my phone, im going to go back and fix it when I can but I was just too excited to write it while it was fresh. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! And if you liked this check out a new Spencer story I start. Its called 'doctor doctor give me the news, I've got a bad case of loving you."


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